Saturday 24 September 2016

Mini-Reviews #5 - Micro Review Bonus Round!

A'ight, I've got a lot to go through now. Let's see how many things I can review in one sentence or less...

DOOM (2016)

Meaty reinvention of the first person shooter with very welcome exploration, clever gameplay loops and a frenetic style that scoffs at its contemporaries gimmicky attempts at being 'fast paced shooters' - bonus points for a fun editor with full console support (here's one I made earlier)...

Captain Toad: Civil War

Wii U may be on life support but I still have some catching up to do - like this lovely little puzzle / platformer / diorama / thingumajig that sees fellow superheroes locked in an epic battle of morality versus, oh wait hang on... 
Captain America: Treasure Tracker

In its second-act ensemble set piece it may well be the most entertaining Marvel film ever made, but getting there does mean sitting through an arduous amount of 'superhero politics' while Cap attempts to save Toadette from the clutches of an evil bird... okay I need to stop now.

Time v Money: Yawn of Justice

Yeah, if you're a sucker like me you watched this in both theatrical and ultimate cuts - I dunno, for five and a half hours you could probably do better things with your life, like copying and pasting images of sunglasses onto pictures of actors.

Suicide Squad

Oh I'm not done wasting short reviews on this summer's superhero flicks, like this one ostensibly about an actor who thought he was doing something dark and edgy and got screwed over by the studio... well, that's a more interesting story than what we actually got with this mess...
X-Men: The Not-Deadpool One

Okay enough of the superhero stuff, I don't even know what to put with this one... erm... I mean it's alright, it has Oscar Isaac playing an evil smurf and about four other characters also playing smurfs engaging in a giant cosplay battle in an apocalyptic city... uh, spoiler alert?

The Jungle Book

As we finally move away from superhero films, here is a film about a kid who's super power is 'acting against a green screen' - It's brilliant but I don't have much to say about this, I just really wanted to put sunglasses on a bear.

Stranger Things: Season 1

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-Dyooowwww-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.... (It's a good show.)

Mr. Robot: Season 1 & 2

Wow, okay, so, who'd have thought that a show with such a persistent motivation to troll its own audience, a show that consistently gives its main character no concept of what he's doing or who he's with, a show with so many damn Fight Club rip-offs... would be so damn addictive?

Second Sight

Now here's a game nobody talks about anymore - a third person Metal Gear crossed with TimeSplitters? Well, it's not exactly aged well, but I had some fun playing this for the first time recently, even if it was just to listen to all the cringe-worthy dialogue. God I miss Free Radical.

Vampire's Kiss

Finally, let me draw your attention to the greatest Nicholas Cage film ever made - I just... please watch it, you won't regret it.