tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1108729472492915632024-03-14T06:13:02.785-07:00Tom Cheshire's Raised EyebrowOh, hello. I have a blog now. A proper one with words and everything. Isn't this exciting?Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-58511056535508347442020-05-03T06:55:00.004-07:002020-05-03T07:16:07.038-07:00Why You Should Play Horace (A Failed Video Review)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why am I randomly posting to this abandoned blog that nobody reads? In a nutshell: I tried to make a scripted video review for the first time ever. I failed, but I wanted somewhere to share the original script.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Longer explanation: I recently played a game called <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/629090/Horace/" target="_blank">Horace</a> - feeling a certain connection having played a demo on my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGKdAdR49v4" target="_blank">Let’s Get Itchy</a> series, I recorded all of my gameplay and then started working on a review. After writing and recording a script I started assembling a video. I realised it was going to take longer than expected, despite the bags of covid-lockdown-induced free time I now had, so I parked it after doing an unfinished pre-render of the first few minutes:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Then I accidentally deleted all of my gameplay footage... </b></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, so perhaps the whole scripted video review format isn’t for me. But, hey, it was worth a try. So, rather than try to finish the video, I’m instead sharing the full transcript, which hopefully works well enough in written review format. So, without further ado…</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">HORACE REVIEW:</span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Brace yourselves, I’m going to do something that’s never been done before: I’m going to review a video game. Horace is a video game. About a robot. Called Horace. It’s really good. End of review. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m sorry was that too brief or do you need me to arbitrarily assign a score? I give Horace 8.5 panic bought toilet rolls out of 10. Oh, I know what you’re thinking: Why Horace? I’ve never heard of Horace. Why out of all of the countless indie games that fly under the radar every single year are you choosing to make a video about Horace? I dunno.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, ok, there is a bit of a story there. Let’s rewind back to 2018. Hello itch.io my name’s Tom and I’m looking for quick / quirky / fun video games to play on my YouTube channel for, like, 5 people to watch. Recommendations come flooding in. I play them. There’s… an interesting range of games. One day a guy called Paul replies:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hi tomcheshire (all 1 word)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Try the free demo for my story-driven, pixel platform adventure game, Horace. There is approx 2 hours of gameplay available in the demo blablabla</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2 hours of gameplay? Wow that’s generous, I can’t wait! I play the game for 10 mins instead. But during those 10 mins I like what I see. I really like what I see. So I put the video up, about 5 people watch it: ‘Thanks tomcheshire (all 1 word) for the positive feedback’ blablabla job done!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A few months pass. Let’s see what’s going on in the games industry today… <a href="https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2019-08-14-the-exceptional-horace-plies-a-very-british-brand-of-nostalgia" target="_blank">Wait… I know this guy…</a> I guess he finished the game. And it’s actually here on a mainstream site, people are talking about it - even Yahtzee’s done a review of it? Well I should definitely play it now. So I buy Horace and… forget about it for half a year.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A few more months pass. Now it’s November. Game Awards are coming up and it seems like now people only care about games with Norman Reedus takes a shower. What became of Horace? Was it all just a fluke? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Horace free on the Epic Game Store. That’s cool. Oh wait, I already bought it months ago. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, ok, I should probably play it. You know how these indie story platformers are, it’ll be over in, like, 90 mins tops. (</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah I guess I kinda forgot about how the demo was 2 hours long.)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Horace is an epic video game passion project built by just 2 people. It’s set in a sort of semi-dystopian version of Britain in which everything seems very quaint and low-tech at first but also robots are a thing and everything is rendered in pixel art because indie game.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yes, Horace is another entry in the story-driven platform adventure Metroidvania genre (or as I like to call it, SPAM). </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; white-space: pre-wrap;">It feels like SPAM is one of the most popular genres for your critical indie darlings these days, but Horace feels kind of different. Its focus on story goes beyond just having the odd cutscene here and there. It’s the driving force of the entire game. The titular Horace starts off acting as a sort of robot butler for a rich old man and his eccentric extended family. Everything’s all very charming and heart-warming in a sort of ET meets WALL-E sense but pretty early on things start to escalate. A lot of things. There’s a time jump and Horace finds himself in a world that’s similar but also feels kind of wrong. The family has all vanished, a lot of places seem abandoned and there are signs of some kind of major world changing catastrophe having taken place. Sounds familiar doesn’t it. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not going to spoil the story as it’s really one of the game’s strongest suits. It covers a LOT of ground. There are tons of characters that are really well developed, the scenarios constantly evolve and it’s pretty consistently funny too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many British pop culture references show up in one piece of media. And honestly, don’t worry if obscure British trivia isn’t your thing, there are references for just about anyone. Whether you find it obnoxious or not, Horace’s charm is always on display.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cutscenes are all done with 16-bit sprites but there’s no attempt to animate them according to 16-bit rules, with constant motion tweens, panning and general trickery to make things a bit more cinematic. I dunno, I guess I’d describe it as the ‘flash animated fan film’ look but that’s doing it a bit of a disservice. I do think the camera’s zoomed in a bit too much sometimes though, with giant pixels everywhere I don’t even know what I’m looking at some of the time. But honestly, considering all the art was done by one person, with so much content to make, the game is pretty damn nice to look at and compares pretty favourably to much more expensive productions. The soundtrack is also really fantastic, remixing classical music and original tunes to give it a really distinct personality.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gameplay feels pretty standard at first with running and jumping and climbing and collecting junk (you’re gonna be collecting a lot of junk in this game.) But early on you get access to gravity shoes - kind of the game’s signature ability. These let you walk on walls but in an interesting twist they also lock gravity to the direction of the wall you’re currently touching. This leads to quite a few interesting platforming spaces to navigate, as well as letting you do stupid stuff like fall into outer space. Also, I’ve got to give props to the design decision to have Horace’s tie always face the direction of the ground, that’s got to be one of the smartest little design things I’ve seen in a while.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Horace is a long game and even with cool ideas like the gravity shoes, it does start to feel pretty repetitive. But that almost feels weird to complain about because there’s actually an insane amount of variety in the game. From boss battles with unique mechanics to stealth sections to chase sections to completely insane psychedelic interludes. What’s perhaps most impressive is how many different one-off mini-games there are. You’ve got sports games, driving games, minecart games, retro games, job games that remind me of the Rhythm Heaven series and literally an entire arcade full of fully-fledged parody games. I don’t want to sit and count how many separate gameplay styles there are but it’s probably close to what you’d see in, like, a Mario Party or something. I’m pretty sure the dev just had 500 ideas for games but rather than release them as short little itch games, he was insane enough to just save them all for one giant passion project.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And passion project is definitely a fitting description for Horace. The different gameplay styles are executed competently but I’d be lying if I said they were all perfectly polished. The game can glitch out in some quite noticeable ways, from imperfect collision detection to wonky item behaviour and strange sound bugs. Disclaimer: All of these might have been fixed by now, I don’t know, I don’t care.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, while I’m a fan of most of the game’s design in general I can definitely poke holes in it. Just as a random example: I’m not sure about the way the health pickups work. The game saves how many of these floating hit points you have whenever you enter a room. If you die and respawn you’ll have that same number of hit points when you respawn. Horace is not an easy game, so constantly while playing I’d be trying to keep as much health as possible while moving from room to room. If I got hit once, I’d just give up, because it would only be making the next room harder if I continued. I dunno maybe that’s just on me for playing like an idiot - I like that it makes concessions if you die too much by spawning more health. But I just wonder if these kinds of systems could have done with a bit more tweaking.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The game has purchasable upgrades which puts all that collectible junk to good use - but there are definitely some upgrades that are more useful than others. Trust me you really want to get the junk vacuum as soon as possible to stop annoying stuff like this from happening: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Show clip where Horace is swimming underwater and is unable to collect a really small can in an awkward position.)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pacing can sometimes be an issue - while I called the game a Metroidvania earlier it’s only the middle third that fully commits to this idea, suddenly throwing out an enormous map screen that’s a bit of a chore to navigate. I dunno this section is still full of great stuff but it feels like it goes on forever - I was pretty happy with the more linear flow from earlier.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I digress. Horace is just so full of stuff to like it’s actually pretty hard for me to criticise it. So much time and effort has gone into this game that I kind of just have to sit back and marvel at it all. So while on the quantity vs quality scale for giant indie passion projects this does by definition sit more on the quantity side, it’s all done with such love and care that I genuinely don’t mind all that much.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And yes, over time you’ll probably find yourself getting attached to the characters and feeling some kind of vaguely human emotional reaction when shit goes down. And shit does go down. See, Horace has a tendency to keep things generally at a family friendly state of ‘warm ’n fuzzy’ but it’s also really not afraid to dial things up to 11, randomly dropping in some adult humour or extremely dark turns from time to time. Normally that kind of varying tone doesn’t sit well with me but here, I dunno, I found it kept things quite engaging. It’s all grounded in Horace’s child-like naivety towards the world, which anchors things to an extent. Still, your mileage may vary on the way he monologues the dialogue for all the characters in the entire game with a repetitive synthesised voice.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline;">Well, I feel like that kind of covers everything I wanted to talk about. Horace is a really good game. You should probably play it if you like the sound of any of the stuff I said. I’m sure you have time. You’re watching </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">(reading)</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline;"> this. You definitely have time.</span></span></div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-12454443404532610902018-06-14T11:40:00.001-07:002018-06-14T11:41:16.209-07:00One Last Hurrah (for now)I'm putting this blog on hold until I can think of a reason to justify its return (like a sudden surge in general internet popularity, one can dream!)<br />
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That's not to say I'm not still busy doing things - on the contrary, I've just launched the biggest load of content I've ever posted online across a whole range of different platforms... As a quick run-down:<br />
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<b><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DP41Q3K/" target="_blank">Sofa Space</a></b> - my book - is now done and available to purchase on Amazon.<br />
<b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyTksPPFKuzSj5G7B_sJq9sb7ulJzh-_i" target="_blank">Let's Get Itchy</a> </b>- is a new Let's Play series where I try out random games on Itch.io<br />
<b><a href="https://tomcheshire.itch.io/" target="_blank">My Itch Page</a> </b>- Speaking of Itch, this is where my newest games are hosted.<br />
<b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRHel3eMzns" target="_blank">Stupid Mario Bros Revisited</a> </b>- I've done a 10 year retrospective on my crude but popular animated series.<br />
<b><a href="http://www.supermarketrpg.com/" target="_blank">Supermarket RPG</a> - </b>is Sean Rugg's big upcoming game project I'm helping out on.<br />
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So, while I'll no longer bother updating this blog for the time being, I'm definitely keeping busy. I'll also be contributing to the <a href="http://blog.supermarketrpg.com/" target="_blank">Supermarket RPG blog</a> as development heats up.<br />
See you on the other side!<br />
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<br />Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-70448630250797487302017-12-28T16:18:00.001-08:002017-12-28T16:31:01.152-08:00Mini-Reviews #7: The Almost Video Series<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I very nearly made this into a video review series for my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6VADu3Pi7fwEzmepmb2Kew" target="_blank">new YouTube channel</a> - heck, maybe I still will; I got as far as recording and editing some voice-over. But I guess I realised making these into videos would take more time than it'd be worth given my currently non-existent online following. Damn, that's a bit of a defeatist attitude isn't it? Well, never mind. Better crack on, it's been a year since I did the last batch...</span></span></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus</span></b><span id="docs-internal-guid-786c0476-47c0-e161-4058-ed8d407ff277"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nazis! Nazis in the 1960s! Nazis ruling 'Murica! Nazi robots firing laser beams that go BWAAAH! It's a Wolfenstein game all right and it's pretty darn all right. The new series continues to impress with memorable characters, Mick Gordon soundtrack awesomeness and did I mention Nazi robots firing laser beams that go BWAAAH? Wolf II leaps from Schindler's List to Inglourious Basterds to Iron Sky so fast it's hard to keep up. It has the most ridiculously over the top story beats in any big budget game and I kind of love it for that reason. Gushing too much? Well, the balance seems a bit off. It's a chaotic action game where a single enemy can down you in half a second. Normal mode's about as unforgiving as Doom 2016 on Nightmare. Fortunately I kind of like Doom 2016 on Nightmare, but I wouldn't dare crank it up any harder, bloody hell... BWAAAH! </span></div>
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<b style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Cuphead</span></b><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-786c0476-47c0-e161-4058-ed8d407ff277"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Well, Cuphead and his friend Mugman, they like to roll over and die." Something like that. It's no secret that Cuphead looks pretty special. The 1930s Disney / Fleischer aesthetic looks incredible. All the characters look great in motion and the game really really wants you to notice because - oh look, I took my eyes off the screen for a split second and now I've gotta try again. But, hey - old school difficulty is cool if you're into... pattern recognition and absolutely no room for error... yay? 2 player mode is a bit confusing and the game seems weirdly broken for something so mechanically straightforward. But, if allowances can be made for style trumping everything else - Cuphead, I guess, gets away with it. Pro-tip: Try duct-taping the fire button down so that you don't get hand cramps. </span></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Disaster Artist</span></b><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-786c0476-47c0-e161-4058-ed8d407ff277"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh hai internet I didn't know it was you. James Franco plays the mighty Tommy Wiseau, a messenger from another planet who loves all things Shakespeare, Hitchcock and spoons. A fitting choice of actor, considering that once Tommy played James Franco in a movie called 127 Hou- oh wait, no, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIBK1iZAo_4" target="_blank">that was a cartoon I made</a>. This, of course, is a movie based on the book based on the making of The Room, the ultimate lightning in a bottle moment for 'so bad they're good' movies. Franco does an amazingly nuanced, precise impression of Tommy. His admiration and morbid curiosity of the source material shines through and pays off in unexpectedly great ways. I should know, I'm pretty obsessed with it too. Overall, I consider it the funniest movie of the year and I'd recommend it whether you're familiar with The Room or not. Thanks a lot, bye.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>The Walking Dead: Season 8 (Part 1)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh dear. I'm just going to ramble through this one because I don't think it deserves a coherent analysis at this point. The Walking Dead has completed it's deterioration into a bloated mess of a show. A show structured around geographically confusing firefights that are supposedly following Rick and his fellow survivors' 'plan' to depose Negan. I say supposedly... 8 episodes in we still don't know anything about the plan. Or how the Saviours' supplies and general state of health seem to randomly fluctuate up and down with each passing ad break. Speaking of ad breaks, the show keeps doing this thing where it pretends to do pretentious artsy non-linear editing. But it's not artsy - quite the opposite; it's letting the ad breaks dictate the edit. There's no rhyme or reason to the scene ordering. Just a cold, hard, flow of cash that they forgot to give to the lighting crew in night-time scenes. So dark, you can't even see what's going on. I could continue, but you're better off reading these <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2017/12/10/the-walking-dead-season-8-midseason-finale-review-what-a-joke/" target="_blank">hilariously cutting Forbes articles</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Twin Peaks: The Return</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">!tihs eht fo tuo yaw ruoy levohS .ti fo dnoces yrevE .siht ruoivas dluohs ew oS .emit gnol ,gnol a rof eb t'now ereht em sllet gnihtemos dna ,ti ekil esle gnihton s'erehT .ylisaE .raf yb ,raey eht fo wohs VT tseb eht si nruteR ehT :skaeP niwT</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Star Wars: The Last Jedi</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do I really have to review this now? I don't think I'll bother. I just wanted to put sunglasses on a Porg.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, it's basically the end of the year, here's a list of list the things I enjoyed most from 2017, including stuff I didn't bother to review:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Games: </b>Super Mario Odyssey, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Wolfenstein II, Resident Evil 7, Sonic Mania</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Movies:</b> The Disaster Artist, Blade Runner 2049, Logan, Baby Driver, War of the Planet of the Apes, Get Out, Star Wars: The Last Jedi</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Shows: </b>Twin Peaks, Better Call Saul, Fargo, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Best Overall Thing: </b>Nintendo Switch, obviously!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Honourable Mention: </b>PlayStation VR. Yeah, picked up one of these in a Black Friday sale, as you do. My overall opinions are more or less the same as they were when I wrote this <a href="http://blog.tomcheshire.com/2016/12/is-vr-gaming-mainstream-concept.html" target="_blank">VR opinion piece last year</a>. </span></div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-82181420769900120162017-10-29T05:29:00.000-07:002017-10-29T05:54:30.401-07:00OOORBS 1 Year Later...<span style="font-family: inherit;">I released my game <a href="http://tomcheshire.com/projects/OOORBS.html" target="_blank">OOORBS</a> a year ago today. Now it's time for some stats that nobody asked for!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the last year:</span><br />
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<li>Across all players, almost 750,000 orbs have been individually collected. The first two weeks of tracking were accidentally wiped so I'm going to pretend that's actually 1 million.</li>
<li>The main mode has been played 7831 times - nearly 90 hours in total. That's not tracking the majority of people who gave up during the tutorial. Hmm...</li>
<li>My personal high score of 1497 has been thrashed 58 times. I guess making the actual game gave me no advantage whatsoever.</li>
<li>Oddest / most worrying player names include 'toast', 'kanye west', 'Killer Man', 'Mr. President', 'Asian Sticker', 'fick ye all hahd', 'freakyfrank45', 'FatWhale****' and 'Guess who?'</li>
<li>OOORBS was played over 1000 times on Christmas Day 2016 for some reason.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thanks to the .swf format's lack of copy protection, OOORBS has been unofficially reposted on countless Flash sites without my permission. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's annoying, yes, but something I'll be more careful of on future projects - especially now that I've moved away from Flash entirely. </span>Someone even posted it on a Chinese game website complete with elaborate Chinese instructions...</li>
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So much for my 'you don't need instructions' mandate...</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, what now? Am I done with OOORBS entirely or am I planning on using it as the stepping stone towards something better? Come back in 2018 and I might have an answer to that question. See ya!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">You can <a href="http://tomcheshire.com/projects/OOORBS.html" target="_blank">play OOORBS here</a> or check out <a href="https://public.tableau.com/profile/tom.cheshire#!/vizhome/OOORBSGameplayStats/FrontsheetAwards" target="_blank">even more stats</a> if you really want to.</span>Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-86527659598061366642017-06-10T10:58:00.001-07:002017-06-10T12:28:15.731-07:00Nintendo Switch Review: The First 100 Days<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Satsuma man wishes he was that handsome.</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m writing about Nintendo on the internet. Totally breaking new ground here. Where do I start? It’s been an interesting few months to be a Nintendo fan. This time last year, you'd be forgiven for forgetting the company were even still making games, such was the extent of the Wii U’s obsolescence. A lack of concrete information around what Nintendo were working on next didn't exactly help, leading to all sorts of purported ‘leaks’ pointing to another underpowered flop for a niche market. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Come October, things began to change. While many of the ‘leaks’ suggesting Switch would be a hybrid console were bang on, the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5uik5fgIaI" target="_blank">initial reveal</a> went well. The concept was appealing and the messaging was clear, unlike Wii U’s muddled branding, but the reveal video was soon followed up by a… weird January press conference that deflated at least some of that enthusiasm. (By the way in case you ever feel Nintendo should do live E3 stage shows again, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm9SL2qPP0Q" target="_blank">let me just point you to this</a>.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Enter March 2017 and all eyes were on ‘console-elect’ Switch to make Nintendo Great Again after, y’know, the Fisher Price tablet that wasn’t even a real tablet. (I promise I’ll stop being mean about Wii U from this point on, I actually like it a lot.) (I also promise to never make another hamfisted reference to real world politics in my gaming blogs, as much as we wish it were all just a game.) There was a mix of optimism and… you know, the usual. OMG NINTENDO WILL NEVER MAKE A CONSOLE AGAIN. NINTENDOOMED. SWITCH? MORE LIKE SWITCHERU AMIRITE? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When <a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/switch/the-legend-of-zelda-breath-of-the-wild" target="_blank">reviews for Zelda</a> came out calling it the best game ever made, it seemed like suddenly this was the real deal. Preorders went haywire - luckily I’d caved months earlier - March 3rd came around and it was finally time to find out if the Switch delivered.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But not before paranoia began to set in. One minute the left Joycon has Bluetooth problems, then suddenly the dock is scratching people’s screens, or some people’s consoles are just like… <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb-srOfRqNc" target="_blank">BLERGH I’M BROKEN</a>. Or minor amusing issues like that one time when sentient Switches acquired free will and started <a href="http://www.kotaku.co.uk/2017/05/15/sentient-switches-have-started-taken-screen-captures-on-their-own" target="_blank">taking random Minecraft screenshots</a>. Now I’m not denying these issues weren’t real for some small minority, but 3 months in it’s kinda clear, like, yeah, calm down. <a href="https://cdn.instructables.com/FIM/PM06/FBVHDX7J/FIMPM06FBVHDX7J.MEDIUM.jpg?width=614" target="_blank">We’ve all seen worse</a>. The system’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8QCFNAgPDo" target="_blank">build quality</a> alone is well worth praising. Uh-oh. That sounded like something a Nintendo fan would say. Let’s stop this history lesson and get on with my review...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Hardware:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While not as powerful as it could have been, the system is still in a great place for the types of games on offer. The battery life is solid; honestly, it’s on a par with any other mobile device and charging via USB-C is super convenient so I don’t get everyone’s problem. I’d rather it didn’t have those small internal fans - I get why they’re there, but moving parts on portable devices just don’t sit that well with me. I don't like that I had to buy a screen protector and it doesn't stick down properly in the top-right corner.</span></span><br />
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Above: First-world problems.</div>
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The main thing I don’t like is how awkward the sideways JoyCons feel; those straps are a pain in the arse to take off even when you put them <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oHC1VoaSL4" target="_blank">on the right way</a>, and I’m at least 75% sure it’s not my cack-handedness to blame… (Pro tip: Get the Mario Kart wheels, they're much more comfortable.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The OS: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, minimalist is one way to describe it. Non-existent is another. While on the one hand it makes sense de-emphasising features like the Miis and the wacky interface overkill… (You know what I’m talking about - all the long, unnecessary animations and background music - honestly, as much as we may get nostalgic for it, console menus and digital stores really <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8avMLHvLwRQ" target="_blank">don’t need a soundtrack</a>.) Still, a complete lack of an accessible browser, video apps, or basically anything to do outside of just playing games is a bit unprecedented for any kind of device in 2017. You can… take a screenshot, add text and post it on Twitter… Ok?
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But this gets me on to what might be my single favourite thing about the Switch. It’s got a bloody fast interface. Just the process of starting it up, selecting a game, loading it, backing out and loading another game, is by far the fastest process I’ve seen since, well, since before consoles even had operating systems. While it is bare bones, it gets the basics so utterly right that I can only hope it doesn’t get slower when they inevitably do add more features. Features like the new paid online service, which we don’t really know much about other than how much they totally messed up the system for voice chat. The official Splatoon 2 headset diagram from Hori sums this up better than any textual description can:</span></span></div>
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This many wires is not a good thing. I don't need to know Japanese to know that.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Games: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I’m not going to review Zelda because that would need a blog to itself, but I do think it stands as the most significant Nintendo launch game or indeed Nintendo game in general since Super Mario 64. Now, for a while it was impossible to separate the success of the Switch from the success of Zelda… the game had the luxury of a ridiculous attachment rate of over 100%. There’s Mario Kart of course, a pretty safe bet this early in a system’s lifespan, even if it is mostly a recycling of Wii U’s version. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It has to be said, and while I’d argue there hasn’t been a huge amount of software so far, with the addition of indie games and the multiplayer trials of Splatoon and Arms, there’s been a good variety so far. It feels like Nintendo is riding a high quality wave to make up for their staggered release strategy. Arms in particular feels like the product of a confident development team. It shouldn’t work - motion controls front and center in a fast paced competitive fighting game, but based on my time with the ‘testpunch,’ it does work. </span></span></div>
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This won't be the last we've seen of these sorts of ads.</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve played a couple of indie titles so far. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mIafG2WEiw" target="_blank">Human Resource Machine</a> is a game about coding that I think I got way more into than I had any right to, considering I normally can’t stand games that remind me of work. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n640qUwCEDs" target="_blank">Thumper </a>on the other hand is a very repetitive ‘rhythm violence’ game that made a splash on the VR circuit last year, but honestly as a pick up and play title it works really well on the Switch. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, all in all a strong line-up, with additional indie variety for those brave enough to venture outside the ‘first party’ comfort zone. I should mention though, <a href="http://www.nintendolife.com/news/2017/04/feature_the_growing_pains_of_curation_on_the_nintendo_switch_eshop" target="_blank">if you believe some of the things floating around online</a>, Nintendo still has a long way to go before it reaches the full potential of the Switch as a safe haven for indies.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Overly Positive Section: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, I really want to talk about just how transformative this thing is as a portable console. It’s hard for me to really put a finger on why this feels so fresh when portable powerhouses are hardly a new idea, but I think it comes down to commitment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">PlayStation Vita was all about giving folks a full console experience on the go but it couldn’t hold a candle to the types of experiences Sony themselves were delivering with the PS3 and later PS4. It had all these watered down spin-offs of big budget franchises that just didn’t have anywhere near as much time or effort pumped into them. It just didn’t feel like we were supposed to even care that much or take them seriously. “Oh wow, Uncharted: Golden Abyss, it’s like the Uncharted you play on your TV but it’s a spin-off and it’s not made by Naughty Dog and it’s boring and gimmicky and the level design kinda sucks… Uh… well it’s cute, I guess. Portable Uncharted yay!” </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the record I don’t think the Vita is a bad machine, hell the indie support made it worthwhile on its own, just that by its very nature as a companion machine, it never felt like we were really getting the ‘the real deal.’</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is so, so not the case with the Switch. As Nintendo’s new core platform, it has the full breadth of Nintendo’s development prowess behind it. It launched with the literal biggest game the company has ever made. Being able to play games of that quality on the go is new and exciting, however you slice it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now naysayers might say things like “ooh you can’t get immersed in big games unless you play them in the home for hours on end blah blah blah” and, okay, fine, if you want to do that, then do it. That’s the whole point of the hybrid design. But what I’ve actually noticed is the portability encourages me to go deeper into these sorts of games than I normally would. Often if I’m tackling a big RPG or something where you do lots of grinding or you spend ages just running around talking to NPCs, managing inventories or whatever, I’ll look at the time and just think ‘wow what a waste of 2 hours.’ But now I can get the Switch out whenever I like and just have a quick 5 minute session here or there. I don’t have the bother of blocking out time to use the TV and turning loads of things on and faffing around with half a dozen different remotes. So if anything, I think the Switch is better suited to these huge epic timesink games than just about any other platform. I can hop onto Zelda on the train, maybe find a shrine or two but not really accomplish a whole lot, and it’s fine because I’m doing it on my commute. I don’t think I’d have pumped 70 hours into that game if I’d only been playing it at home, that’s all I’m saying.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, there’s also the idea of having two detachable controllers, meaning I can play a quick, silly, impromptu multiplayer game with literally anyone without even having to organise something in advance. The versatility is something I didn’t fully appreciate until I realised that within 30 seconds I could show off Snipperclips to someone who’s unfamiliar with Nintendo games while sat in the office during a lunch break. </span></span></div>
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">It's cute a'right? Come on, you cynical bastard.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As a twist on the hybrid-gaming concept Switch feels like a very Nintendo-ey way of embracing broader modern trends that Sony and Microsoft don’t seem to care about. It’s like how we now rely on cloud-based platforms for file management no matter where we are; how we have things like Netflix to watch films no matter where we are. It’s a console that fits around daily routines rather than one that you have to make space for and I think that is a bloody good thing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Problem: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, that last section got real fanboyish, I’d better look over my list of criticisms to help balance out this review, let’s see now… Well, I could think of several nitpicks but there is an obvious one to me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Everything is too goddamn expensive!
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The console itself is steep but acceptable - it’s everything else. The accessories, the pro controller, the freakin’ standalone dock. <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B071LGSG34" target="_blank">It’s a piece of plastic for £80!</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s worrying when games are priced a £10 premium compared to other consoles. Now allegedly this is</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> due to the expensive cartridge format, leading to devs actively trying to make their file sizes smaller to fit on the cheaper cards, but still. It’s worrying when Nintendo insists on digital pricing being consistent with the physical RRP’s and offers no discounts whatsoever. It’s worrying when Nintendo games are already notorious for holding their value. Try finding a cheap copy of a five year old 3DS game, and compare that with how easily you can find a cheap copy of a one year old PS4 game. Then there are some publishers just having a laugh. A near-full-price 25 year old port of a certain fighting game, itself over twice the price of the 10 year old HD version it effectively repackages…</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There’s certainly no sign of price being a major issue yet, as Switch consoles and games alike continue to sell like hotcakes globally. But when this honeymoon period is over; when the novelty of playing games everywhere wears off, what then?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Missed Opportunity: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’d be remiss not to mention the biggest missed opportunity so far which is probably the lack of Virtual Console. Now, I’m sure Nintendo has a plan, there’s E3 coming up so what I’m about to say may well soon be redundant, but a Virtual Console on Switch just seems like a no-brainer. However much the idea of paying for roms annoys you, if the NES Classic proved anything it’s that lots of people really, really want to pay for roms. And with a library as big as Nintendo’s, the prospect of legitimately playing more advanced games like N64, and yes, GameCube, on a system like Switch should be ridiculously successful. I don’t think fans would be able to stop throwing money at them. I know this, I’m one of them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, if you really want to bring the good will back, announce that all VC games from 3DS and Wii U will transfer over and watch the fanboys lose their collective minds. Then throw in Wii support as well, I know you wanted to ditch all association with that brand, but you’ve got the waggle controllers already, why aren’t you flogging us Wii Sports again? Hell, bring back Nintendo Land and make it so we have to own a second Switch to simulate the Wii U Gamepad stuff, I’m sure some idiot somewhere will buy it!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">All jokes aside, didn’t I just criticise a certain publisher for releasing a certain 25 year old fighting game again? Well, yes, but that was an extreme example of overpricing. Price it right, and I think the Switch is a double-dipping gold mine. We saw this with Mario Kart - hardly any new content over the Wii U version, yet it still feels like a justifiable purchase. Portability is more exciting than an HD makeover. It feels like Switch really could become into the ultimate all in one Nintendo platform, it’s just way too early to know if it will. Frankly, the weird and random way in which Virtual Console has and continues to be managed is the main reason I’m not all too optimistic. Apparently we’ll get ‘online’ NES games with the launch of Nintendo’s new paid online service, a sort of NES Netflix, if you will. That’s a fun idea, I just hope Nintendo can start thinking bigger. I’m not sure Nintendo is a company that’s used to using the old noggin. Case in point: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A Raymanology:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Which one of these three systems do you suppose is the most logical candidate for a re-release of the Game Boy Advance port of Rayman 1? (Why you would want to play the Game Boy Advance port of Rayman 1 in 2017 I don’t know, but anyway...) </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Is it... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Option A: The 3DS, a compact, super-successful handheld with roughly the same dimensions as the GBA.
Option B: The Switch, Nintendo’s brand-new exciting hybrid console.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Option C: Wii U, a home console with no true portability that is officially on its last legs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a reminder, Rayman Advance is a portable game. If you said option C, you’d be mental, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9y0e51BRNc" target="_blank">but also correct,</a> as that is the only digital store on which you can purchase Rayman Advance.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Who knows, maybe they’re holding out on the VC because they don’t want to cannibalise sales of new games which is totally understandable when you’re starting a new brand. But man, the idea of playing F-Zero GX on Switch, analogue triggers be damned… </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Closing Thoughts:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I got pretty hung up on the whole Virtual Console thing there, but trust me, Nintendo is on to a really good thing with the Switch. Going in to E3 this year, they have the momentum, they have the games and most importantly they’ve captured gamers’ interests. All they have to do now is not Nintendumb the whole thing up. Nintendo can Nintendumb all they want, but if Nintendo Nintendoes right, they’ll keep Nintendoing until they’ve Nintendone what they always Nintended to do: Put a smile on people’s faces. For the first time in years, the future of their console business is looking up. Let’s see what they do next. </span></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yKCqJ8llKuA/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yKCqJ8llKuA?feature=player_embedded" width="472"></iframe><br /><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">A Mario theme park? Sold.</span></div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-7355854409751586382017-05-28T10:46:00.002-07:002017-05-28T11:29:11.717-07:00Sofa Space Preview 2: Chapters 3 & 4<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another preview of </span><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://tomcheshire.com/projects/sofa%20space.html" style="text-decoration: none;">my novel Sofa Space</a>!</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> You can catch the first two chapters <a href="http://blog.tomcheshire.com/2016/10/sofa-space-preview-chapters-1-2.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The lack of seating didn’t exactly help group morale. All attempts at conversation had subsided, and eye contact with anyone was now strictly off the cards. I gazed out at the sofa, now but a tiny gyrating cuboid, trying not to feel too bitter. Perhaps we were overreacting. I quickly came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t have been possible for all five of us to sit on it at the same time, although with a bit of effort we might have been able to squeeze on four. It had only been a double seater, but the girls and I were probably slim enough to have sat together without brutally violating each other’s personal space in the process. Travis could have climbed up onto the armrest; it would have probably been a bit uncomfortable for his old bones. Dom? No combination of body positions would have allowed for his bulky frame to fit on there too, I decided, picturing the disturbing image of a collapsed sofa with human limbs protruding outwards in all directions. It might be possible to fit a couple of dozen people in a Mini, but as far as comfortable seating arrangements go, I wouldn’t exactly call it practical.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I bring this up because for a considerable amount of time after Dom’s little outburst, there was an unspoken aura of longing for that sofa, as if having something pleasant to sit on was the be-all-end-all solution to all our problems. Yeah, it does seem trivial. Perhaps it was the manner in which the damn thing was still just about visible to the naked eye. Every time the cosmic couch rotated fully on its axis it would catch the light coming from the ship. A little reminder that it was still there, just out of arm’s reach, taunting us with its soft, plush cushions that would now go untouched for millions of years. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But yeah, we were overreacting. The floor of the common room had a soft, textured feel to it that was fine for sitting on, probably even passable enough as a last-resort sleeping location. The empty bookshelves in the corners of the room were rather pleasingly rounded. The coffee table was just about high enough for people to perch upon without it a) breaking or b) putting an unnatural strain on the pelvic muscles. Nevertheless, we weren’t happy. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Travis sensed this, and, perhaps out of fear of some future explosive incident, decided to take matters into his own hands. With no fanfare, he left the common room, returning a few minutes later with some strange plastic sheets, pipes and cables sourced from the lining in the ship’s corridor. In total silence, and to the increased bemusement of the others, Travis began twisting these disparate pieces together to make something vaguely resembling an armchair. After a quick non-verbal glance upwards for approval, he wandered off again and returned with more bits and bobs to fashion up a second. For something so obviously hacked together, it was surprising how good the end result looked. I have no idea how he managed to build it all so quickly. I hadn’t even thought about looking through the ship’s innards because I didn’t have a clue what any of it was; I figured I might accidentally blow up the ship in the process. Perhaps I’d been a technophobe in the past. As long as Travis knew what to do, that was fine by me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wasn’t in a position to suspect Travis was some kind of imposter or anything like that. He’d certainly been the quietest and most reserved member of the group so far, but his age was quite telling. This was a man who’d been around long enough to know how to knock something together from spare parts, and we were very grateful to have someone like that with us, even if we couldn’t quite admit it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Thanks Travis,” I said to break the silence, slumped on one of his improvised chairs and trying to sound sincere, although something about the name Travis didn’t seem to lend itself well to compliments. Travis made an odd nervous squeak of acknowledgement, then sat down on the floor. This was odd, because one of his makeshift creations was unoccupied, and neither Dom nor Chloe (who were both standing up, arms crossed, having said nothing for over an hour) looked like they wanted to try it out.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You sure you don’t want to take a seat?” I asked tentatively.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Nah… nah...” Travis mumbled, shaking his head and looking at the floor. I waited a few moments before launching into another half-arsed compliment.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s good, this,” I said, rubbing my hands along the angular armrests. “Very comfy.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“O...oh… I’m glad.” Travis smiled weakly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You must be tired after all that work. Why don’t you try it out?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m good.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was all I was going to get out of him, clearly. I could have taken the Dom approach and forced him to sit in the chair but I didn’t want to start getting aggressive, especially after all the drama from earlier.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not long after this exchange, Chloe decided she was going to sit down in the unoccupied chair. She waltzed over with the poise of someone making a calculated chess move, presumably to make sure Dom didn’t get there first, although he was never going to bother. He was clearly not in the mood to damage his reputation any further. Once Chloe had gotten settled, I tried to get a conversation going.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You alright, Chloe?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Instead of looking towards me, Chloe turned in completely the opposite direction, resting her hand under her chin. Not a good time to chat, clearly. Travis shot me a look as if to say ‘let’s just sit here keeping ourselves to ourselves.’</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Actually, no. I was starting to feel light-headed. I wasn’t in the mood to sit for another few minutes in dead silence. I needed to talk to someone before I collapsed out of sheer boredom. I figured I’d have more success if I tried with Emma.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hey Emma.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hey…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You alright?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was one of those automatic ‘yeahs’ that is always the default response to being asked if you’re alright, even when you’re clearly not.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Good good…” Well, great. There goes another potential conversation. Why did I have to ask such a stupid question? Guess I’d have to shut up now, before things got any more awkward. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe?” Emma asked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You’re bleeding.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And so I was. Well, that explained my light-headedness. I put my hands to my face and found that I had a gash on my forehead.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Must have been when I fell and hit that coffee table.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Coffee table. Saying those words out loud finally reminded me of something.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Damn coffee,” I muttered to myself.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What’s that about coffee?” asked Chloe, suddenly alert.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Nothing. Coffee table. I hit the coffee table, that’s why I…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, you kept going on about coffee earlier, back when you passed out.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Did I?” I tried to pretend that I couldn’t remember.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, it was, like, the only thing you kept saying. Damn coffee, over and over again.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s weird.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I suddenly found that Emma was handing me some paper towels. She must have ran off and grabbed them from the bathroom. I held them up to my forehead. I wasn’t bleeding heavily, but it was enough to put everyone off.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You scared us,” Emma said. I assumed she was talking about my subconscious coffee ramblings, and not the bloody mess on my forehead.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m sorry about that,” I said. “So whose coffee was it, anyways? Could sure use one right about now.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Everyone stared at me like I was slipping back into unconsciousness, but I was pretty sure, despite the blood loss, that I was feeling fine.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe… there was no coffee.” Emma said delicately.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“But I could smell it...”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe, there was no coffee.” Chloe repeated Emma’s words with a stricter tone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“There must have been. It’s what woke me up!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come on! It was so strong, it must have been real!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe, snap out of it!” It was Dom, finally speaking after the whole sofa incident. I suddenly felt very small. It was like the tables had turned; now all of a sudden I was the crazy one. The others were starting to look at me as if I was dangerous, as if my steadfast belief that I’d smelt coffee this morning was the first step towards becoming a serial killer.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I just thought I could smell it, that’s all!” I half-shouted, standing up and darting out of the common room, hand still supporting my head wound. I needed to get away from everyone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I stood in the bathroom, staring at my reflection yet not thinking about my injury. Instead I was putting all my effort into focusing my senses. Was it really possible that I’d imagined the whole coffee thing?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s funny. Waking up with no memories of my former life, so far I’d found that my senses were the only thing I had absolute trust in. Everything was mental, but I didn’t doubt that what had happened in front of me had been real. The sight of the great burgundy sofa colliding with the self-repairing glass. The rough feel of the armrests on Travis’ almost-chairs. The faint whirring sound from the cryogenic pods, reverberating through all the walls of the ship. My brain was telling me that these things were ridiculous, I mean for Christ’s sake, waking up in space! How the hell do you even begin to rationalise that? The only way I could was to trust what my senses were telling me. No, this wasn’t a dream. This was happening here, now. A cut on my head. I could see it. I could feel it. It was painful. Makes sense.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So to be confronted with the idea that this coffee I’d so vividly recalled might be completely imaginary, I didn’t know what to do. It felt like a personal loss. If I couldn’t trust what my own senses were telling me, what else did I have?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had to calm down. For one thing, this whole incident had happened right after waking up. Waking up, apparently, from a goddamn 25-year long sleep. There probably wasn’t a manual for the associated side effects. Maybe hallucinatory coffee experiences go hand in hand with cryogenic amnesia, who knows? Either way, I decided to pull myself together. I wasn’t going to give up on my senses yet. I figured a more careful approach would be needed. From now on, I was going to pay extra attention to everything my brain could process. I was going to be even more aware of my senses. I couldn’t afford to miss anything. I needed to understand what I was going through, what was really going on. I needed to be able to keep track of things, a way to piece everything together and make sure I wasn’t going insane.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I started writing this book.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Knock knock... Who’s there? Anybody at all? Oh well, I’ll just have to wait. I’m good at waiting.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Food. Sustenance. Nourishment. Edible matter. The basic key to self-preservation had somehow been largely absent from my survival agenda until this point. I abruptly became aware of the complete lack of nutritional resources I’d come across so far and found myself panicking. Were we going to starve? I laughed incongruously to myself. I’d been worrying about trivial things like seating arrangements when I should have been worrying about things much more primal and obvious.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Guys have you seen any food?” I asked, dashing back into the common room; still agitated, yet no longer the paranoid bleeding wreck from earlier.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Anyone?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My question hadn’t gone unnoticed as everyone was looking down at their empty stomachs; it was like a bomb of sudden realisation had been dropped.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m hungry.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Me too.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh god, what are we going to do?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The intense quietness that had lingered around the ship for most of the time gave way to a noisy wave of panic. The sound of five bellies rumbling in unison no doubt added to the cacophony.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“GUYS SHUT UP!” I yelled, having had more time to think things through. “I’ll ask again, has anyone seen any food? Anything at all?” A few tense moments passed.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oooh!” It was Dom.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What is it?” I asked, hopes raised. Dom was rummaging around in his pockets.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Would anyone like…” Dom lingered on this sentence for longer than was necessary “... some chewing gum?” Sure enough, he produced a strip of chewing gum from his pocket. I didn’t know how to react.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you insane?” asked Chloe matter-of-factly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, it’s real chewing gum, see?” Dom pulled off a rather large piece with his teeth and started chewing. The girls took a hissed breath of disbelief.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s 25 years old, Dom…” Emma gurned.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom kept chewing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And it’s hardly gonna keep us alive…” I chipped in.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom kept chewing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Where the hell did you get that from?” asked Chloe.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Pocket.” Dom muttered between chews. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why was there chewing gum in your pocket?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know! There just was!” Dom spat out the gum in anger. “And since it’s been frozen in that cryo pod with me, it’s probably fine.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Probably fine, yeah right…” Chloe looked away.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’ll do you better than imaginary coffee will, I’ll tell you that.” Dom looked at me bitterly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Look, I’m sorry,” I suddenly felt compelled to justify my earlier behaviour. “I was having a bit of a moment earlier. I know that coffee can’t have been real, I just…” I rubbed my throbbing forehead. “I just wanted to believe it could be. But this is serious, Dom. If we can’t find any food… This is life or death.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Exactly. So does anyone want some gum, or not?” Dom was waving the gum around like the bread of Christ. I shook my head.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m fine thanks…” Travis said.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t even like chewing gum,” Emma replied. “I think…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, suit yourselves,” Dom resumed chewing noisily.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“There’s got to be something else…” Chloe said.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Huvvyurrtyurkedyurpurrkutz?” Dom tried to say something.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What?” Chloe asked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom, annoyed, swallowed his gum. “I said have you checked your pockets?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chloe looked offended. She pointed at her dress. “I don’t have pockets you moron!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I wasn’t asking </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,” Dom rolled his eyes. The rest of us all had pockets. It was a good point; I didn’t think I’d actually checked mine yet at all. Unfortunately they were empty. Emma checked hers too and shrugged.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Travis, you gonna check yours?” Chloe asked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Huh?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Your pockets, Travis – look, I can see there’s something in there!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Travis shuffled awkwardly backwards, defensively.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come on!” Chloe shouted. Travis finally gave in.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“G-got something.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom’s face perked up like a dog that had suddenly become aware of the evening meal. It wasn’t food though. Travis was holding a small black object, shaped like a USB flash drive with a small indentation on the side.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay, so what’s that?” I asked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No idea.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom laughed. “Guess we’re screwed then!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It certainly looked like it. We were drifting in the middle of space. That seemed to rule out a trip down to the local supermarket. There was literally no food anywhere to be found. Nothing to cook, nothing to hunt, nothing to be scavenged. Even if there were supplies somewhere on the ship, I figured the ill effects of eating food that’s 25 years past the sell-by-date would probably kill us all a lot quicker than starvation. My heart sank as I found myself mulling over what exactly would happen now. We were trapped like rats. With no resources… perhaps we’d turn into cannibals.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s a disturbing thought, but I took a few moments to really explore what that would be like in my head. I tried to figure out the order in which I would eat the others. I’d probably start with Dom, since he was the largest and probably most-likely candidate to flip first and try to eat me. Travis would probably have to go last; I can’t imagine his elderly skin being sufficiently succulent even to a starving fellow. Sorry Travis. I’m sure the girls would have been edible too, but trying to visualise how this would work started evoking disturbingly fetishistic imagery in my mind so I decided to stop thinking about it. In the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Whoever the last one standing was would only end up having to eat themselves, and I can’t imagine that being very pleasant.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone was tugging at my shoulder. I snapped out of my daydream. It was Emma.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I didn’t want to say anything,” she said, placing something in my hand. I knew exactly what it was before I even looked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Is that… Is that a coffee sachet?” I asked.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Pretty weird huh,” she smiled at me. “I just found it, it was in my pocket all along.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s… one hell of a coincidence. Don’t you think?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah. I want you to keep it.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Wha… er… thank you I guess,” I smiled back. It was probably the first time I’d smiled all day. “Do you think it’s…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s yours now,” she cut me off. “I think you deserve it more than me.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What are you expecting me to do with it, eat it raw?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, of course not. I’m not saying this like it’s going to be enough to keep you alive or anything, it’s just that with what happened earlier… it wasn’t fair of us to gang up on you like that…” she stood closer, hand still clutched to mine, eyes wide and apologetic. “Then when I found this, I dunno… Maybe it’s important.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Do you believe me about what I said? About the smell of coffee being real?” I asked. She drew her face even closer to mine, lips pursed and closed her eyes. Was something about to happen? She moved past my mouth and over to my left ear. Then she whispered something so unexpected it nearly made me stumble.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I could smell it too.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oy, lovebirds!” Dom called from across the room. “We think we’ve found something! Get over here!” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I looked back at Emma, determined to finish our conversation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why didn’t you tell the others?” I whispered.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I… I just…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oy! Move your arses!” Dom cried.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I followed Dom through the corridor, Emma trailing right behind. I was still shaken by Emma’s revelation, trying to formulate exactly what it meant- whether I really had been right all along or whether she was just saying that to make me feel better for some reason, or maybe…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“JOE!” Dom snapped. Apparently he had been asking me a question.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sorry?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You wanna give me a hand?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We were standing in the middle of the corridor opposite a door, the very same door I’d failed to open earlier in my initial little wander-about. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We reckon there could be something to help us through there,” Chloe elaborated. “The lock seems to be broken. With enough force we could-“</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, got it.” I nodded at Dom and together we started kicking the door.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, no, no. Come on guys, you’re not in sync!” Chloe shouted. It was harder than it should have been to synchronise our kicks since Dom’s comparative frame meant that it took him a lot longer than me to extend his leg to the correct height. We tried timing it by saying “one, two, three!” but I found myself having to mentally add on a ‘four’ just to match the time it took him to do the motion. Finally, the door gave way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Talk about luck. We were greeted with, to our amazement, a kitchen. Not a futuristic spacey-wacey kitchen either; in keeping with the other rooms, this one was thoroughly traditional, with pots and pans, glasses and mugs, a distractingly large kitchen knife positioned scrupulously on the counter, cupboards, a sink, a microwave, an oven, a fridge, a toaster and… oh god, was that a coffee machine? It was. Enough coincidences, I kept telling myself, trying to keep it out of my mind for the time being. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chloe rushed around as if she was examining a holiday home, delivering a commentary of all the things I just mentioned. The whole kitchen was spotless, and seemingly also completely bereft of actual, you know, food. Chloe frantically opened all of the cupboards and started to get herself worked up. It was like we’d found the Holy Grail but forgotten the drink. That’s probably not a fair analogy. I should mention, the taps did somehow have running water, or rather, a fluid that looked and tasted enough like water so as to not raise suspicion. So, on the bright side, at least we weren’t going to die of thirst. Cross out that box.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Guess we’re still screwed then!” Dom huffed. Once again, I found my heart sinking. Of course there wasn’t going to be any food. Thank god the kitchen was clean though. Imagine if there </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">had</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> been food, left out for 25 years. Imagine the mould! It would have been absolutely disgusting. Or would it? I was imagining some kind of evolved, carnivorous, all-devouring super-mould. Was there even such a thing as mould in space? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was getting off track again. The reality was, we had half a stick of chewing gum and a coffee sachet, and that wasn’t going to last very long.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We can’t give up yet,” Emma said reassuringly, but her words weren’t very effective. Dom stormed off, and Chloe followed. Travis, as usual, was keeping himself to himself, but he looked strangely unfazed. He was staring at the inside of the empty fridge, scratching his chin.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What is it Travis?” I asked. There was no response. Eventually he was sticking his whole head inside the fridge and pressing against the back end, which was so weird that I had to ask him again.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What is it?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Just thinking…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Thinking what?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This fridge… S-seems to be right behind the cryo pods,” he muttered. He was right, I realised, the curvature of the corridor meant that the cryo room would be right on the other side of the wall.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So what?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So what if it’s not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">just</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> a fridge?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was probably a completely hypothetical question as Travis didn’t even bother to explain what he meant. Later it occurred to me that it could have just been an unnecessarily cryptic way of saying the fridge might have a freezer compartment. He was probably right to be suspicious though. It’s not like any of the equipment we’d come across made any sense so far. Everything was so normal in design, yet there were no plug sockets or anything to indicate how they could possibly work. It wasn’t just the kitchen appliances that baffled me. Thinking back, the bathroom even had a working toilet with a flush. How exactly did that work? Where did it all go? Why even bother designing all these things like this? Surely there were better ways to make things work in space. And how exactly were we all walking around with what was effectively normal Earth gravity? There were no planets or stars nearby, so there must have been some kind of artificial source keeping us glued to the floor. All these thoughts were ultimately unnecessary, and I figured I’d better just shrug them off with the lazy excuse of ‘well, I guess this is the future.’ I felt like an old man trying to understand how mobile phones work. Better get used to it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No sooner had Travis started his odd little hands-on fridge analysis had he abandoned the idea and returned to building another one of his makeshift chairs. He was an odd man, that Travis. So timid, yet potentially a genius. I felt like I should talk to him some more. I remembered the little black device he’d found in his pocket, but when I tried to ask him about it he wasn’t very helpful.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Don’t know.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come on Travis, you’re way cleverer than some of the people here…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t know what it is.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Maybe it’s a key, or a memory device…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Don’t know.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Could be a transmitter…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Uh…”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Maybe it’s a supercomputer. Like a really cool futuristic one.” I was coming up with all kinds of mental ideas hoping that one of them would incite a conversation, but it really seemed like Travis just wasn’t the sort of guy who wanted to talk unless you caught him at a good time. I felt like I was trying too hard.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh well, thanks again for the chairs.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You’re w-welcome.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was getting late. Well, maybe it was. We’d been up for hours but without any method of telling the time, it was impossible to know how long it had been. There came a point, however, when we all knew that it was time for a kip. We were all exhausted, hungry, and emotionally wrought, so one by one we found ourselves somewhere to lie down and tried to get some sleep. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The options were fairly limited. There was the floor of the common room; not too uncomfortable but it was such a wide open space with no bedsheets or anything to give the illusion of privacy. Dom and Travis chose to sleep in here. Travis actually climbed onto one of the empty bookshelves to lie down. Dom had tried to sleep slumped on one of the chairs but then changed his mind saying it was going to be too much of a strain on his back. If I were Travis I would have been offended, but Dom probably wasn’t lying. Emma and Chloe went to sleep in the two separate small rooms branching out from the corridor. I’d previously said that those rooms were probably supposed to be bedrooms, but again, there wasn’t anything in there furniture-wise to officially make it so. It was all just empty space.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was the last to go to sleep. I didn’t know where I should lie down. I thought of climbing back into the cryo pod I’d first woken up in, but I was reminded of the horrible tight feeling I’d had and decided I’d be better off almost anywhere else. I also didn’t want to accidentally re-activate the freezing mechanism, although that would have made for an interesting experiment. God knows what would have changed the next time I’d woken up. I did a few laps of the corridor in hesitation. For a while I stood by the door to Emma’s room, wondering if I might be confident enough to ask if I could stay there. I would have wanted the opportunity to ask her about the coffee again. I wondered if I should try out the coffee machine in the kitchen, but I decided it could wait. I wanted to hold onto it, I couldn’t get rid of it just like that. Not yet…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ultimately, I found myself back in the cryo room after all, albeit sleeping on the floor, not inside one of the uncomfortable pods. I turned off the lights – thankfully there was a working light switch in every room. Despite my tiredness, it took me a very long time to get to sleep. There was just too much to process. I’d completed my first day as Joe, a complete stranger I’d fabricated out of my own limited imagination. I’d met four other complete strangers who also didn’t know their own identities. One of them had almost killed us all by throwing a piece of furniture out of the window. ‘Did I mention that we’re in space, and we’re going to starve to death? Gee, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring!’ I kept talking to myself about the ridiculousness of the entire situation, but it didn’t help. My head was still throbbing. It was probably because of my injury, but it could have been from any number of things. The cut had healed itself up pretty well but it was starting to irritate me more than it had earlier.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I could hear a whimpering in the background. It was either Chloe or Emma. Poor them. Until now I’d been, admittedly, mainly thinking about myself, but it was worth remembering that all five of us were essentially in the same boat, and there was an awful lot to take in. We were all struggling, but at least we had each other. I sighed and rolled over. One day down…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The next morning I wearily greeted the others in the common room.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Alright guys?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Alright Joe.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, when I say morning, I don’t actually mean morning in the actual sense of the word. Concepts such as morning and evening were completely meaningless. I shouldn’t even be using the word ‘days.’ It was just ‘wake up randomly, go to bed randomly’ for the foreseeable future, until we all died of starvation. Speaking of which…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m hungry!” Chloe moaned.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Of course you are, you haven’t eaten anything for 25 years.” Dom retorted.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come on guys, let’s not start this again…” I said. My voice was hoarse. “We’ve just got to hold on as long as we can.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What for?!” Chloe yelled. She had rings under her eyes and clearly hadn’t gotten much sleep. She was a far cry from her earlier, confident self.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We’re human beings, we do the best we can with limited resources,” Emma replied. I wanted to agree with her, but my stomach told me otherwise.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, shit. I’m all out of gum,” Dom said despondently. He’d been chewing the stupid thing so much, the flavour must have dissipated several times over.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, the hunger. It’s almost impossible for me to explain how much pain we were all in by this point. We were all on the verge of collapse. Then everything changed.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was the small black object from Travis’ pocket. All of a sudden it began flashing, beeping and buzzing out of control. We were all so shocked, we ran to the opposite side of the room, hunched against the wall. The thing was rolling around on the coffee table for almost a whole minute until it finally came to a stop. Then it yawned. </span></div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-61431083542431954802017-02-05T07:10:00.002-08:002017-02-05T07:32:35.985-08:00What's the Point of Speedrunning? A Majora's Mask Story<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Brace yourselves, I’m going to talk about video game speedrunning. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Now, the concept of ‘speedrunning,’ that is, the practice of attempting to beat a game in the fastest possible time, has been around for decades. Think back to the early id Software shooters and the quaint old days of ‘<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtZxDMa-5eM" target="_blank">rocket jumping</a>.’ In recent times, it has grown into a much broader phenomenon, from the charitable cesspool of awkwardness that is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVzKjbYNEJg" target="_blank">AGDQ </a>to an almost endless of surplus of Twitch streamers, let’s players, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpk2tdsPh0A" target="_blank">ridiculously complex TAS explanations</a> and countless bizarre communities. And yeah, it can get <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjbRONVTIp8" target="_blank">pretty ugly</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s fair to say in many cases, speedrunners will obsess over a game to the point where it has become a detriment to their health and social lives. One has to wonder, why bother? What exactly is the point? What is the compulsion to play games beyond the way they were intended - taking a perfectionist attitude to uncovering shortcuts, frame-perfect maneuvers and programming quirks? There’s an element of competition, sure, but there has to be more to it than that. Is it just challenge for the sake of challenge?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, plenty of speedrunners no doubt have made up their own minds on the matter and I doubt I’m really qualified to answer that question. I don’t speedrun games, nor do I want to, but the other day I did try something along these lines: The Majora’s Mask 3-day challenge.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s back up a bit. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask: the best game in the series, obviously. (If you disagree then you are wrong and I hate you, though it remains to be seen if the soon-to-be-released Breath of the Wild has a shot.) It’s one of my favourite games, and I could easily fill a whole blog talking about why - hell, one day I probably will, but for now I just want to focus on its potential for impromptu challenge. As you may know, the entire game is built on a timer system. After three in-game days, you are forced to reset the clock, the idea being to plan ahead which tasks to accomplish and gradually make progress through repeated three day loops. As a kid, I always used to speculate on whether it was possible to complete the game in a single loop - that is, after the first reset, when Link is restored to human form - is it possible to clear all four dungeons for the first time and beat the game without having to reset once?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I never attempted this on the N64, but with the added convenience of the portable 3DS version, I thought it could be fun to try. One catch - the total gameplay time (after slowing the clock) of the 3-day loop on 3DS is 1 hour and 48 minutes, substantially less than the original version. That’s less than 2 hours to beat something that, according to <a href="https://howlongtobeat.com/game.php?id=23235" target="_blank">howlongtobeat.com</a>, takes most players 24 hours. So I planned ahead; rather than following any one established guide on how to accomplish this, I used my own knowledge of the game’s systems, what items I’d need and what to skip. I still needed to do some research when I realised there would be impossible barriers to overcome. Case in point: Reaching two of the game’s areas requires Epona, your horse, which must be recovered on day one before sundown. To achieve this is… borderline impossible. The workaround I found is sort of amazing - a 3DS-only trick revolving around the sheer luck of additional geometry and a conveniently placed save point, almost as if the designers put it there on purpose:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People dedicate their free time to figuring out tricks like these...</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, I gave it a shot, rehearsing each segment that I’d need to do and then attempting it with as few mistakes as possible. This was about 2 years ago - I failed spectacularly by running out of time in the final dungeon, but having gotten so close I knew it was still possible. So, just the other day I attempted the whole thing again. I ironed out a few specific instances where I could have saved more time and went for it, this time successfully. What made it especially satisfying is just how close-cut my second run actually was. I beat the game’s last dungeon and made it to the ending with literally about 1 minute to spare. The act of clearing Stone Tower Temple and fighting Twinmold on such a stringent limit was especially nerve wracking (Link’s low health and underpowered items from skipping so much doesn't exactly help, neither does the fact that the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m38ZhhsNHs" target="_blank">remade Twinmold fight</a> is incredibly long.) Still, I made it, and the end result was undoubtedly satisfying.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But to come back to that first question: Why bother? Why did I feel the need to achieve this? You could make the case that my self-imposed challenge was even more pointless than those of the folk who spend all day streaming speedruns online. At least those people are competing with each other for world records, or entertaining audiences of basement-dwellers. Was this not all a waste of time? Well, let me backpedal to the thoughts that were going through my head when I was planning my route through the game. When I think about it now, it’s all about the appeal of discovery, of utilising your understanding of a game’s subsystems and mastering something. When you’ve sunk enough hours into a hobby you enjoy, you can’t help but imprint your own self-imposed challenge onto it. Where it goes too far, I believe, is when it completely sabotages any previous enjoyment you got from the activity. And from what I’ve seen of the speedrunning community, a healthy balance of this is not something that is always in abundance. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway, those are my ramblings for now. I’m thinking about making a disillusioned speedrunner the protagonist for a future book one day. I find the psychology behind them interesting even as I cringe at their methods. Living a life consumed by the inanity of self-perpetuating video game challenge.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the end of the day, video games are supposed to be fun, right?</span></div>
<br />Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-52383789094680307732016-12-28T15:45:00.003-08:002016-12-28T15:56:46.913-08:00Mini-Reviews #6: Too Much TV<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m sure it’s not just me that’s noticed there’s been a bonkers amount of high quality shows around recently! Since we now seem to be in a world where original programming via services like Netflix regularly kicks the movie industry’s arse, I’ve decided to do this new instalment of mini-reviews exclusively on new TV shows I’ve watched in the last 3 to 4 months. Still, it’s not all glowing...</span></span></span></div>
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</b></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s get all the gushing out of the way first. As TV shows continue to get more ambitious I do wonder if we're reaching a critical point where scripts start falling apart and actors give way to special effects. But as much as that often happens in movie blockbusters these days, it hasn’t happened to Westworld - a show that looks more expensive and polished than just about anything else this year (on the small or big screens), and yet has a rollickingly clever story and brilliant turns from extremely likeable actors (major props to Anthony Hopkins and Thandie Newton). I don’t want to talk too much about the show for fear of spoiling things - I will say that it pulls off multiple, satisfying, layered twists that reward audiences without alienating them, and production values that are simply off the charts. There’s a worry that its reliance on major revelations won’t keep working in future seasons, but I feel like the writers are smarter than me, so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it.</span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-786c0476-47c0-e161-4058-ed8d407ff277"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>The Walking Dead Season 7A</b></span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-786c0476-47c0-e161-4058-ed8d407ff277"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While anticipation going into this new season was strong, I feel like the show ended up delivering one of its weakest runs of episodes ever, and I know I’m not alone feeling this way. So what went wrong? Well, for starters there's the overly repetitive presence of Negan... An uneven tone, caused perhaps by a misplaced adherence to the source material... Segregation of the core cast (I count five separate communities now, often with just one getting the focus of an entire episode) and an overall depressing, cyclical feel to the story. We know Rick will fight back eventually - we’ve seen it happen time and time again with each new threat he’s faced. Here’s hoping for a faster, more surprising, more action packed second half next year.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Ash vs Evil Dead: Season 2</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sticking with shows tackling the undead for just a sec, I really want to shine a light on what has quietly become one of the most consistent shows around. Not consistently amazing, mind, but that’s not what Ash vs Evil Dead is trying to be. This show is silly, it’s not clever, and it’s not even that funny most of the time - it’s a real ‘turn your brain off, sit back, relax, and just go with it’ sort of show. That in itself puts it in a real sweet spot as far as I’m concerned. Despite a somewhat weak antagonist this season, the character of Ash is always reliably entertaining, the nods to the (superior) original movies are always welcome, and it does feature <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssAZDf-iPyM" target="_blank">the absolute most vile, disgusting, twisted scene I’ve ever seen in a broadcast medium</a>. You have been warned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>South Park: Season 20</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Member when South Park did a different story every week? Oh yeah I member. For the uninitiated, South Park took a fairly unprecedented approach this season by telling a totally self-contained, singular story arc about internet trolls and the destructive power of nostalgia across 10 whole episodes. The feeling by the end is that it didn’t really work, and I think Matt and Trey are aware of this (as even the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_End_of_Serialization_as_We_Know_It" target="_blank">title of the final episode would suggest</a>). South Park has always been built on a rolling weekly basis; it’s perhaps clear in hindsight that hashing out the ultimate goal of this season’s narrative wasn’t going to be easy - particularly when so much hinged on a US election that <a href="http://www.avclub.com/article/south-park-was-forced-re-write-tonights-episode-af-245669" target="_blank">didn’t go the way anyone expected</a>. Still, I can’t blame them for trying. And we did get the member berries, the funniest thing to come out of South Park since the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgq-P_grmUw" target="_blank">aftermath of Randy Marsh’s groin irradiation.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Luke Cage: Season 1</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t have too much to say about Luke Cage. I didn’t love it. I didn’t hate it. For what it’s worth, it’s another Marvel TV series that shares many of the same strengths and weaknesses as those that came before it - strong atmosphere and characterisation, poor and repetitive pacing. The blaxploitation approach is certainly an interesting angle for a mainstream series like this, and one which perhaps I struggled to get to grips with at first. It’s all very low key and understated, except for when it remembers it's a superhero show and finds excuses for fight scenes. It all feels rather mundane for a man with indestructable skin. Nevertheless, the writers do their damndest to come up with mcguffins to try to create the illusion of threat. I wouldn’t go into this one looking for thrills, but maybe go in looking for feels. Not emotional feels, just feels. There’s a lot of smooth jazz, bro.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Black Mirror: Season 3</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The jump onto the Netflix bandwagon seems to have done Black Mirror a world of good. It feels bigger than before, it’s literally twice as long as before (6 episodes instead of 3) and writer Charlie Brooker is still finding new ways to tell dystopic, believable stories about the future of a technological society - it’s becoming <a href="http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2016-11-11/black-mirror-president-trump-and-prophecy--can-tv-really-predict-the-future" target="_blank">scarily close to the real deal now.</a> Since the episodes are so different, here are some super mini reviews of each one:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1: Nosedive: Or as I like to call it, ‘Instagrapocalypse,’ a very polished and darkly funny metaphor for social networking as a status symbol.</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2: Playtest: As someone <a href="http://blog.tomcheshire.com/2016/12/is-vr-gaming-mainstream-concept.html" target="_blank">who recently wrote about VR</a>, this was a fun one to watch. Takes things to quite an extreme. Coulda done without the cheeky BioShock line, Charlie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3: Shut Up and Dance: Bloody hell. This one’s just brutal. ‘Nuff said.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4: San Junipero: The most optimistic and touching Black Mirror has ever been. Probably a lot of people’s favourite for that exact reason.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5: Men Against Fire: Bit of a weak link I think - I guessed the twist right away and it’s basically the same plot as Haze, which isn’t exactly a great reference point.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6: Hated in the Nation: It’s too long, and it’s got a concept that some people might find a bit too wacky, but it’s a meaty satire that certainly sticks in the mind. Ahem.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>The Man in the High Castle: Season 2</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know, this show has a lot going for it. It has a compelling premise - an alternate history that actually feels fleshed out and believable. There’s political intrigue, complex and morally ambiguous characters, a bit of supernatural mystery… but I can’t kid myself that the execution is really that great. It’s just generally… dull? The pacing is almost uniformly awful, the disparate elements of the plot never quite gel and for every subplot and character motivation that clicks, there’s something happening elsewhere that has me rolling my eyes. It’s a shame as I think this show still has the potential to really come into its own - the last two episodes in particular definitely made me perk up. It’s just… lose the tedium, please. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>The Grand Tour (Initial Impressions)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It feels like Clarkson has become a little bit too smug. I know this was always his shtick, but there has to be a limit somewhere, surely? Gone are the budget and PC-friendly constraints of the BBC, and in its place we’ve got a show with more forced and scripted comedy than ever before. If that’s your cup of tea then great, but to me it just feels a little bit hollow and stuck up itself. Give us more natural, unscripted banter. Failing that, at least give us something that feels like it </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">could</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> have actually happened. We all know the Top Gear antics were scripted, but it wasn’t on the level of… pretending to shoot terrorists and dying repeatedly in a parody of Edge of Tomorrow. I mean, what? Still, it’s better than the recent Top Gear turned out. I think that much goes without saying.</span></div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-88923769561214870492016-12-02T13:19:00.001-08:002017-05-28T10:26:22.878-07:00Is VR gaming a mainstream concept? Impressions and ideas from someone with no authority on the topic<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Is VR gaming a mainstream concept now?" I asked myself, cringing as the sub-par candidates from the latest series of BBC's The Apprentice flailed around with their Vive headsets talking about imaginary space badgers. It certainly doesn’t seem very long ago that the words ‘virtual reality’ were either an overused sci-fi trope or a stock phrase used to refer to video games themselves, usually by the press in another mis-informed rant about violence in the media.</span></div>
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Above: What people used to mean by 'virtual reality'</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">But VR games certainly have made a splash this year, with the ‘big three’ headsets all launching with a plethora of developer support and prices so alarming it makes you wonder what all the fuss is about. It’s certainly something new to come out of the games industry for once. I’m generalising - there are plenty of new things coming out of the games industry all the time, but to the general public it’s all a bunch of pixels, buttons and nonsense. But with VR, we now have people literally strapping goggles onto their faces in order to play games. It’s not hard to imagine the curiosity around this ‘hip new thing.’ It’s quite clear Lord Sugar and the Apprentice producers are all into ‘hip new things’, even if they couldn’t give a toss about VR or video games in general.
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Lord Sugar totally gets VR. This is an actual still from the <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b084jg5v/the-apprentice-series-12-9-virtual-reality-game" target="_blank">latest episode of The Apprentice</a>.</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, I could certainly harp on about how misguided the entire episode of The Apprentice was - how games don’t get conceptualised, built and then demoed to industry professionals in a day (props to the devs for turning them around so quickly), how the player’s interactions should be the priority of VR development, not the look of the imaginary badger… Anyway, my point is - what was once a fleeting, ‘<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw-DlWwlXHo" target="_blank">look what John Carmack’s got cooking up in his basement</a>’ affair for the nichest of the niche tech enthusiasts, seems to have branched out into something the general public is very much aware of, much like the motion controller fad of a few years ago.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Except this time nobody can afford it.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can’t give much of an informed opinion on VR because I haven’t bought any of this tech. A lot of people have, clearly, but as mainstream as the concept of VR may have become, it certainly hasn’t been adopted by the mainstream. Part of this may well be due to the lack of truly essential software - we all know that software sells hardware. Part of this may also just be down to an overall level of skepticism on the gamer’s side. ‘Why do I need this?’ they’ll ask. ‘It’s early tech, I’ll wait for them to iron out the kinks.’ Or perhaps more damningly, ‘I don’t want to play games with half a hockey mask strapped to my head.’ And fair enough. VR is a fundamentally different way of playing games and it’s never going to appeal to everyone. And it’s expensive. Did I mention that it’s expensive? We’re living in turbulent times. Who is really going to want to spend the best part of a grand on first generation peripheral hardware, with wires trailing all over the place? Seriously, it's gotten so ludicrous people are trying to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTRzImvAuik" target="_blank">find ways to tie the cables to the ceiling.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re curious about what VR has to offer I still think the best option is to seek out a demo unit somewhere and try it for yourself. I’ve been lucky enough to try out all of the big three (HTC Vive, Oculus Rift, PlayStation VR - I’m discounting the cheaper mobile offerings) at events over the last few months and these are my impressions after just a few minutes* of gameplay: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">*(i.e. don’t trust anything I’m about to write)</span><br />
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</span>Price before Brexit: £689
Price after Brexit: £759 (Ouch!)
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By definition, absolutely the most impressive VR experience around. It is room-scale after all, which means a fair amount of standing, ducking and dodging. I was actually most impressed by the motion controllers, which are extremely precise and do create an almost perfect illusion that you are holding real objects. The funny thing I observed is that because the controllers are so light, I felt like the guns and weapons I’d pick up were cheap Fisher-Price toys, not real killing machines. I do wonder if that’s going to require a real suspension of disbelief in some games, as you impale evil warlords with a spear that your brain thinks is made of foam.</span></div>
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In terms of visual fidelity and sense of space, I’d say this is almost on par with the considerably more expensive Vive. I was disappointed in the headset itself though. Things weren’t off to a good start when I was told to take off my glasses and place them carefully inside the headset before putting it over my head. I didn’t have to do this with the other two. Then once I’d put the headset on, I was advised to spend a minute or two playing with straps (that I couldn’t even find) and get it all perfectly adjusted. Then after all that - I don’t know if this was my own incompetence or not - I could still see a gap at the bottom of the headset. All in all, pretty cumbersome. The game itself? Red Bull Air Race. And blimey. I’d read about reports of VR sickness before, but to experience it for the first time was… interesting. Yes, armed with just a regular Xbox pad I was doing all manner of loop the loops and flips and… yeah, it was kind of nausea inducing, and I dunno about you but I don’t play video games for induced nausea. Still - if you can handle it - and some people clearly can - I don’t doubt that it’s impressive fun.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJrjQkfO0T4-U6RLDBKv3nVgKc5-ptT_2OAh6cOb6APzeWApZPMXg9MioJSHyCeJNZzeGaBoEo6iUaPj6hBGiJFS9e3hyZZ1n55RpNZ2Tm61ydyC9d4i3JI0ARJLyCGo6Yunb4QBCyr2m0/s1600/VR_PS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJrjQkfO0T4-U6RLDBKv3nVgKc5-ptT_2OAh6cOb6APzeWApZPMXg9MioJSHyCeJNZzeGaBoEo6iUaPj6hBGiJFS9e3hyZZ1n55RpNZ2Tm61ydyC9d4i3JI0ARJLyCGo6Yunb4QBCyr2m0/s320/VR_PS.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-weight: 700;">PlayStation VR:
</span>Price: £349
</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(plus £100 or so for camera / PS Move)
</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First impressions were that the resolution is pretty awful. To be fair, this is a problem on any VR set and it’s not that much more pronounced here. Actually, the reason why this was my first impression is because the actual act of putting on the headset and adjusting it is amazingly quick for PS VR. Both Vive and Rift take a large amount of faffing just to get the damn thing on, but PS VR fits amazingly well, even for glasses wearers like myself. Now, PS VR obviously works with the PS4 and most games play with just the standard DualShock 4. There are motion controls with the old PlayStation Move but apparently that’s a bit naff. I couldn’t tell you how well either of those work because my only demo was of ‘The Deep,’ an on-rails ride in the ocean you can’t even interact with. Still, I can’t praise enough how convenient and comfortable this headset is - it’s also by far the cheapest and most user friendly, so it’ll be my pick if I ever go impulse-buy crazy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, what are my takeways from all this VR dabbling? Well, most of all, I’m just really interested to see where VR goes from here. I love that it’s such a new, massively flawed thing that’s forcing developers to rethink how games should work. To me, that in itself is a good thing. Some may disagree, claiming that VR games are and will continue to be messy and mechanically basic. I like big, complex experiences as much as anyone, but I’m still enthusiastic about something genuinely new.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I tried to come up with a few VR game ideas myself:</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Flip the zombie survival concept: Look I get the whole horror thing, but let’s flip it round so that you are the zombie. Why not? I’d love to flail around in first person with motion controlled limbs awkwardly grabbing survivors, leaning in for the bite. The more awkward it is the better (Note: could work just as well with any awkwardly moving monster creature - Godzilla?)</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hallway duelling in bullet-time: So Vive has you standing around and… not really walking anywhere, so why not have a pistol duelling game about outwitting your opponent with weird dodge moves. With really slow moving bullets. You know, Matrix style.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Grapple Man: Ok, so a lot of standing VR games resort to a teleport feature so that you can move around without your character having to walk and without your brain feeling too disconnected. So, instead of that, let’s design a character who can’t walk, but does have a great big grappling hook to pull things towards him - pieces of the environment, enemies… I love the idea of pulling someone in with one hand and thwacking him with a great big (Fisher Price) fist in the other.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ant-Man the game: Well <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcDoWxd6HKc" target="_blank">Batman got a game already</a>, I was thinking about what other superheroes should follow suit and I settled on… Ant-Man? Really? Well think about it. The sense of scale going from regular to ant size. Thinking ‘gee whizz those are some nicely rendered floorboards.’ Riding ants during an on-rail shooter round someone’s garden. Who needs X-Wings? I’m not even kidding.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trolley Simulator 2017: So it has been established that VR games with vehicles work pretty well thanks to the constant frame of reference - so... I’m bending the rules a tad but let’s go with trolleys. Imagine you’re pushing a trolley around, steering it around a shop, having to balance items in front of you. I just think it would be a lot of fun in VR. I promise this is unrelated <a href="http://seanrugg.com/smrpg-3.html" target="_blank">to the game my friend’s working on.</a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There, you see Apprentice candidates, it isn’t so hard! Ok, ok, I’m joking. These clearly aren’t the best ideas ever. VR is a tricky thing to get right. It’s not easy for anyone. </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-f3d0b7e2-c11f-096e-5228-b956e36f200e"></span><br />
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-17158943372370441752016-10-24T17:28:00.001-07:002017-11-23T11:54:54.304-08:00Sofa Space Preview: Chapters 1 & 2<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Below are the opening two chapters of </span><a href="http://tomcheshire.com/projects/sofa%20space.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">my upcoming novel Sofa Space</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. As the complete novel is yet to be released, note that there may still be changes made to the below text. With that in mind, here we go:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Imagine the worst hangover of all time. You know when it feels like your head’s on fire? Take all of that pain and double it. Now combine it with the sensation that you’ve been locked in a prison cell for a couple of decades. You’ve lost all sense of self; forgotten what it feels like to be alive. You have no concept of who, where, what, why or how, but you know for certain that something must have gone incredibly wrong at some point to end up in such a sorry state.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This was going to be one of those days. I’d woken up. Where? I wasn’t entirely sure. Having fumbled around for a non-existent alarm clock, I realised that waving my arms in the air was a rather fruitless exercise, so I let my arms go limp, and… ah… that’s strange. My arms made contact with rounded metal accompanied by a comically audible ‘thump,’ and instantly I knew that this wasn’t my bed. Hell, this didn’t feel like any bed I’d laid in before. I let my arms slide along the surface, the metal curving cylindrically either side. Was this some kind of medical device? Hard to tell; my arms were extremely numb and hardly even in sync with my thoughts. From what little sensory input I had, I was able to deduce that whatever I was lying in was extremely narrow, and probably not all too comfortable for the downstairs region. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Had I been in some kind of accident? What was that burning pain? After spending a few moments clarifying that my head was not actually on fire, I tried to move my legs but my lower body hadn’t woken up. Give it a minute, I thought. I tried to open my eyes… big mistake. The resultant flash of light penetrated my poor unsuspecting retinas. In its wake, a lingering afterimage danced, mockingly, across my eyelids, continuing long after the instinctual reaction to shut both eyes as quickly as humanly possible. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Minutes passed and I began to suspect that whatever had caused the piercingly bright light was, in fact, nothing out of the ordinary; that I’d just been out of it for so long my eyes had forgotten to adjust. Just a bit of sunlight creeping through the window, surely? Slowly I eased my eyes into a narrow gaze, locked into an odd position of perpetual squinting until I could finally make out something vaguely resembling a ceiling. What colour was that, grey? Definitely grey, I thought. That or my eyesight had deteriorated to the point of rendering everything in monochrome.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Slowly but surely my other senses returned to me. There was a faint whirring sound that seemed to be reverberating all around the room. The cool air smelled of a certain freshness that was probably supposed to be welcoming but… hang on, was that coffee? Delighted that I had apparently recovered my senses enough in order to correctly identify the scent of coffee, I began floundering my limbs around like an idiot, trying to find a way to force my body up and out of whatever I was in. Yes, time to get up, lazy boy. Can’t lie here forever. A few seconds later my head had introduced itself to the floor and I immediately regretted that train of thought. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Damn that coffee!” I swore aloud, although my lack of muscular control reduced those words to meaningless grunts. It may have seemed odd to blame the coffee for my current predicament, but I couldn’t think of anything else to use as a scapegoat. I’m not sure how long I stayed face-down on the floor, but it was long enough to induce a whole new set of aches and pains by the time I rolled over.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally I was able to stand. That coffee again… it was still there; the scent was much stronger now. The deliciously caffeinated aura filled my nostrils, guiding me forwards. I was nowhere near balanced, stumbling around like an intoxicated fool. I found myself slamming into pipes and walls and pieces of equipment I couldn’t identify. Everything was just an indistinct haze at this point - the coffee was the only thing I could focus on. My whole brain was preoccupied by the goal of reaching it; I wasn’t even paying attention to where I was. I followed my nose and limped through some sort of corridor until I could start to hear voices. Voices! That should have been cause for me to forget about my blind-sighted objective, but it wasn’t. I tripped through a doorway vaguely aware of four agape faces staring back at me. I took a few more steps in the general direction of the coffee until my legs gave way. I suppose I passed out a few moments later. Oh well, it was worth a shot.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s why I thought he was dead!” was the first sentence I caught as I returned to consciousness.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Thought who was dead?” I yawned, groggily. As I rubbed my eyes I got the impression that several people had quickly backed away from me, alarmed at my sudden awakening. I sure as hell hoped they hadn’t been trying to revive me through some form of close bodily contact.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You, obviously!” came the first voice again. I turned my head towards the source, spending a few moments trying to determine if I knew who it was. I quickly realised that was too much effort, and focused on just examining features. Facing me was a slightly overweight man, probably in his early 30s, wearing a baggy shirt and jeans. He was leaning on a burgundy-coloured sofa at a slightly awkward angle. His ginger hair was long and looked pretty unkempt, curling off in random directions. He also had a silly looking goatee; still ginger, but with a mismatched hue compared to the rest of his hair. Instantly I could tell that he was in a bad mood.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, no. I’m clearly not dead,” I said. The ginger man turned away, as if trying to think of some clever remark to bark back with.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You stopped breathing,” came a woman’s voice. “Are you sure you feel alright?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How my declaration of not being dead had somehow implied that I was feeling alright, I did not know. I turned to the woman planning to make some sarcastic remark, but her face seemed to show genuine concern, so instead I was honest.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’ve got a hell of a migraine. What’s going on?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The ginger man did a fake-sounding chuckle, as if that was a naive question. The woman looked down, dark hair flowing across her face, which she brushed out of the way in slow-motion, giving herself time to think. She was pretty, I suppose, or perhaps the unkempt ginger man had been such an eyesore that I was ready to accept almost anyone else. The stripy, charity shop-esque jumper she was wearing wasn’t doing her any favours, that’s for sure.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We don’t know what’s going on either, but we’ve been awake for a little longer than you have. We think…” she paused. “We think we’re on a spaceship.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What?” I gasped, suddenly taking in my surroundings. It didn’t look much like I’d expect a spaceship to look; there were a few pipes and odd metallic bits and pieces, but from what I could tell we were in an ordinary-ish 21st century living room. There was the sofa the ginger man was leaning on alongside a coffee table, a couple of empty bookshelves and a large monitor that I naively assumed was a TV.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you pulling my leg?” I asked. “Is this some kind of practical joke? Because it’s not a very good one. You haven’t exactly gone to town on the set design...”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was an awkward pause. I tried again.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Seriously? Come on, I’m not that daft.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well...” came a different woman’s voice. She was wearing glasses and a smart black dress. Arms folded, she had a sort of authoritative confidence I couldn’t see in the others. “This is just the common room. Probably supposed to look like Earth, to make us feel at home.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, feels real homely don’t it…” came the ginger man’s sarcastic tone.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay, fine, how did I get here?” I asked, smirking in disbelief.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You came in through that doorway and collapsed. Started muttering something about coffee…” replied the ginger man.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I mean how did I end up on a bloody spaceship?” I asked, getting frustrated. I knew it wasn’t really a spaceship but I thought we’d get to the point quicker if I played along. Being reminded of that damn coffee didn’t help.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Um…” came a new voice, which startled me because I’d forgotten there was another person in the room. I turned around to see an older, timid looking man, probably in his 60s, with greying hair and a tattered white shirt. He had a somewhat awkward demeanour. “There’s… c..cryo pods…” he mumbled, stammering slightly.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I followed the others through a slightly more convincingly spaceship-like corridor back to the room where I’d first woken up. The older man was right, this was a room filled with cryogenic pods. By which I mean, things that looked like cryogenic pods, but couldn’t possibly be cryogenic pods because that’s just stupid. Still, I couldn’t knock the authenticity of the design. Anyone who’s ever seen a science fiction film before would have understood what the cylinders were from just a quick glance. They were human-sized; enormous chambers with glass windows coated in a thick layer of condensation, connected to some sort of large vat reinforced with steel.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“But… this doesn’t explain anything.” I said, still going along with this prank. “Who put me in there? Why can’t I remember?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We’ve all got this amnesia,” said the confident girl. “It must be a side effect from being frozen for so long.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So long? What do you mean, so long?” I asked, ignoring what the words ‘cryogenically frozen’ implied. The confident girl pointed towards a small numerical dial on the top of one of the pods.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“25 years, every single one of them,” she said, bitterly. “We’ve been asleep for a quarter of a century.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was a funny old premise. Let’s think about this for a moment. 25 years. What would it mean to skip through such a long amount of time? All the important stuff I would have missed back home… What about my parents? What was the last thing I said to my wife? My kids? Would they even be alive? Wait a second, did I even have a wife? Hang on a minute. There’s something really wrong here… That’s when I realised.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t remember my family…” I whimpered. “I… I don’t remember my name.” It was true, and the fact that I had only just realised was petrifying. I was straining myself to remember these basic details but the only picture I could paint was blank. This prank was getting more and more sinister by the second. “What the hell did you guys do to me? Have I been drugged? Tell me what’s going on!” Before I knew it I had an arm round me. It was the dark haired girl.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m sorry…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, it doesn’t make any sense!” I yelled. It wasn’t like I’d had my memory completely wiped, because surely I’d have woken up having forgotten how to speak and spent all morning crying and rolling around on the floor like a newborn child. On second thoughts that wasn’t far from the truth, but that’s besides the point. I couldn’t remember who I was, or what I did for a living, yet somehow I knew in my heart that I’d lived a productive life. I must have done. The Beatles, Jackie Chan, Super Mario. Every now and then a pop culture reference would flicker annoyingly into my head, and hell, I recognised the smell of coffee, so clearly not everything had been wiped.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Alright, that’s enough…” I said calmly. “The joke’s getting tired now, guys, this isn’t funny.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Now now, let’s not start thinking irrationally,” said the confident girl. “Nobody drugged you. It’s just a bit of cryogenic amnesia, we’ve all got it. Something must have gone wrong with the process. None of us can remember our families or our names at the moment…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And I’m supposed to believe that, am I?” I responded.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Look, take all the time you need, but please just trust me. We’ll all on the same page here,” she replied.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s true. I don’t know who I am, either,” the other girl said despondently. The tone of her voice was genuine. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If that was supposed to make me feel better, it wasn’t very effective. The ginger man sensed this, and decided to make the most of this opportunity to wind everyone up.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“My name’s Dom, I’ve got a wife and family in Texas. I’m 33 years old and I drive trucks for a living,” he stated, grinning idiotically. It was obviously complete bullshit, and not just because his accent was clearly British.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You’re l… lying,” stammered the old man, eyes down at the floor. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No shit of course I’m l...lying. I don’t r...remember anything either!” yelled the ginger man, his imitation of the old man’s stammer causing a ripple effect of disapproval amongst the others. “Not only that, I didn’t even remember which gender I was this morning until I looked down and was like, woah, dude, what’s that dangling between my legs? It’s huge! I mean we’re talking about morning wood 25 years in the making right here…” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stunned silence.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh come on!” he continued. “You don’t honestly believe this horse shit do you? 25 years, my arse. Look, guys, we can cry all we want, but whatever’s happened to us, someone’s obviously responsible. Let’s not jump to bullshit sci-fi conclusions.” Finally someone was starting to talk some sense.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Ginger guy has a point…” I said. Ginger guy seemed to take offense.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Really? Ginger guy? Wow, okay. We’re gonna resort to adjectives now? Male pattern baldness…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I nervously started feeling around for my hairline.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We can’t just sit around here for days waiting to remember who we bloody are,” he continued. “We’re gonna have to come up with actual names for ourselves.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The confident girl started pacing up and down, trying to gauge the right moment to say something.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I hate to say it…” she started. “But he’s right. We don’t know how long this amnesia will last. We have to find some way to identify each other.” The old man glanced up, finally, as if he was about to say something, but chose not to. The confident girl continued. “Feels like we’ve gotten off to a bad start. I think we should all have some time alone… Choose a name, and we’ll meet back later on to introduce ourselves, yeah?” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nobody was in the mood to question her logic. We walked back through the corridor and stood in separate corners of the common room. There was a distinct lack of furniture to actually sit on other than the sofa that nobody seemed brave enough to try out. What followed was an increasingly tense hour or so of complete silence, during which everyone tried to avoid making eye contact with everyone else. Well, everyone except the ginger man, who took great pleasure in walking around being as deliberately distracting as possible without actually saying anything.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eventually the tension was too much to bear so I chose a doorway at random and started walking. From what I gathered, the actual living space of this “spaceship” we were on was rather small indeed, consisting mainly of the central common room with multiple exits and a single corridor that wrapped around in a sort of horseshoe shape. There were doors to the ‘cryo room’, a couple of smaller, featureless rooms that I assumed were supposed to be bedrooms (minus the beds), a bathroom and a door that wouldn’t open, not that I was trying very hard to open it. Despite the ever-twisting pipes and railings in the corridor, nothing on this ‘spaceship’ looked very sophisticated to me. The doors were all on hinges and had physical handles, and not even the clean, modern sort. I’m talking tacky, half-rusted brass handles that were so stiff you could hardly turn them. Certainly not the sort of thing Captain Kirk ever had to put up with. There’s another reference for you. I’d have congratulated myself on the ability to recall another element of popular culture, but the thought of William Shatner being one of the only faces left in my memory was demoralising, so I let it pass.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before long, I found myself in the bathroom, transfixed by my own reflection in the mirror. I felt a certain sense of recognition, but not a clear one. The ginger man was right, my hairline was receding. Well, that’s great, I thought, unsure whether I should laugh or cry. I went for the latter, because it seemed to be the normal reaction to being told you’ve been frozen for 25 years with no memories of your former life. No, that’s still stupid, I thought. I wasn’t ready to start believing that crazy story just yet.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before long I found myself daydreaming, trying to invent my own past history in order to justify the ridiculous setting I found myself in. I started to figure that if everything the others were saying was true, as ridiculous as it may seem, maybe there was some logic behind it. Maybe we were all astronauts on some experimental mission to explore the deepest regions of space, and like the confident girl had surmised, something went wrong with the freezing process resulting in us losing our memories. No, that does sounds bonkers. Space astronauts? Cryogenic freezing? How could any of it be true? And further still, would I really commit to a career like that? I didn’t fancy myself as much of a spaceman. Maybe a banker or accountant or something really boring like that. But what did I know? I could have been a convicted criminal. Maybe this was some kind of mental asylum. I shuddered with the thoughts of things I could have done in my earlier life to deserve this.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I still had to choose a name. Jack? Sam? Paul? Mark? I glanced up at my pathetic tear stained face. Guess I was just your average…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe? That’s the best you’ve got?” asked the ginger man, doing his best to make me resent my newly chosen identity.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Uh… yeah, there a problem with that?” I responded.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, no… just… never mind.” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why did you stick with the name Dom?” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s easy to remember.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well there you go.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The dark haired girl had chosen the name Emma, while the confident girl was extremely confident that her name was Chloe and ‘couldn’t possibly be anything else’ no matter how much Dom pushed her. That left the old man, whom when pressured for a name couldn’t come up with anything so Dom gave him the name Travis. Because it made him laugh.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, there in the common room we stood, five complete would-be strangers with fake identities introducing ourselves like a group of students on freshers’ week, discussing fake details of our fake lives as if any of us had a clue what we were talking about. None of us stopped to question what we were doing, because there was something oddly cathartic about being able to make up details of our past lives without feeling any guilt about lying. Before the end of our conversation I had become an engineer, Emma a teacher, Chloe an investment banker and Travis (after much prodding by Dom) an artist. Dom had changed his mind about himself and instead gave us an elaborately constructed tale of how he was apparently the ‘top dog’ of a world renowned ‘pimping agency,’ owned a whole chain of strip clubs and was ‘banging thirty hoes’ a week, because ‘wouldn’t that be awesome?’ ‘Dom the Schlong,’ he called himself. Suffice to say he really enjoyed fleshing out that story, while Chloe and Emma were horrified.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the whole though, I began to warm to the group. Part of this was undoubtedly tactical, as in: ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck with these folks so I better bloody get on with them.’ Part of it must have been genuine, however. None of the people were grating on me yet, not even Dom, whose cocky arrogance had somehow swung so far into the realms of tastelessness that it had almost become charming.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’d zoned out. Dom was still going on about his pimping business and Chloe and Emma were having a jokey argument with him around the morals of prostitution. I groaned.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What is it, Joe?” Emma asked.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What are we doing?” I sighed. “Let’s look at the facts. We’re stuck on a spaceship.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Supposedly,” interjected Dom.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We don’t know why we’re stuck on a spaceship-”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Supposedly…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And instead of trying to find out why we’re stuck on a spaceship-”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Supposedly…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We’re sitting around talking about 12 inch dildos.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Human nature,” Dom shrugged. Yeah, human nature, or had we already lost our marbles?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“How come…” I began, trying to come up with an observation as I spoke, “…we’re all wearing casual clothes? I mean shouldn’t we all be wearing space suits or something? If we’re really in space…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s right,” said Travis, who hadn’t said much throughout the whole conversation. “It’s kind of… o… odd, isn’t it?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well we woke up in them, so who knows,” replied Emma. “Obviously doesn’t do any harm to the cryo pods.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s weird,” Chloe pondered. “Must be a new type of cryogenic-”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Chloe, do you know something we don’t?” Dom snapped. “Because the last time I checked, cryogenic pods in space were the stuff of bleeding sci-fi!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“When was the last time you checked?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s a figure of speech!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well for your information, Dom the self-proclaimed pimp…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Dom the Schlong.” Dom corrected her.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Right, Dom the Schlong, I think you’ll find they’ve been doing cryogenic freezing tests for years in labs and such,” Chloe paused. “I think.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah but not in space,” Dom retorted. “God knows what year it is now, but I remember the turn of the millennium like it was yesterday. We’re from the early twenty-first century! This shit doesn’t exist!” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That nobody piped up after this comment implied that we were all indeed from the same time period, which as Dom stated, must have been some time in the early twenty first century. Maybe. Putting aside the amnesia for one moment, it was almost impossible to recall definitive dates after half an hour of irreverent strip club discussion.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So let’s see here,” I began. “We’ve woken up with no memories wearing non-futuristic clothes and we’re in a non-futuristic looking room with a sofa and goddamn doors with brass handles. And that means we’re in space. Why?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Have you looked out the window yet, Joe?” Chloe said, as if I was being stupid.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No,” I replied, dumbfounded. “What window?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I followed Chloe’s eyes over to the large rectangular black object I had previously assumed was a TV. As I got closer, my jaw hung wide as it suddenly dawned on me that I’d missed something obvious. There were no stars - maybe one or two max, but somehow my brain knew instantly that I was looking out into deep space. The same way that when you look up at the night sky, even when there’s nothing visible, you get a sense of scale, of openness. Standing here, looking horizontally out at the great black nothingness I got a sense of vertigo. I suppose it’s a natural feeling. You’re used to seeing space as this thing above your head, not in front of it.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Wow,” was the only thing I could say. I glanced towards the edges of the window and could just make out some of the exterior of the ship, a textured grey that appeared to extend outwards at perfectly straight angles. I got the impression that the ship was shaped like a box. A big grey box drifting alone in a much bigger black ocean. The exterior was casting some kind of light somehow; there certainly wasn’t a nearby sun shining our way. I wasn’t going to even begin to contemplate where all the power was coming from.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Do you believe me now?” Chloe asked, wearing her best ‘I told you so’ face. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yeah, I think so,” I said, wanting to just keep staring out into the vast emptiness.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Seriously?” Dom huffed. “You think they can build a spaceship with goddamn cryogenic freezing pods, but they can’t build, say, a 3D TV monitor with a bit of snappy head tracking? You know, like the stuff that already exists…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You seriously think someone would go out of their way to fake this?” Emma asked, joining in with the debate.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s a lot more believable than some of the shit you guys are coming up with! Jesus, I thought you’d have gotten the hint after my pimping story. Everything here is bullshit. Someone’s playing us.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Playing us?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes, Emma, playing us. I’m telling you, we’re being watched.” Dom started shifting his eyes around the room suspiciously. “You guys want to know my theory?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nobody said anything, but we let him continue.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I think we’re on some kind of crazy reality TV show. Japanese, I’ll bet. They probably gave us some pills to make us forget everything, then they put us in those tacky pods and started rolling the cameras.” Dom started imitating a reality show announcer voice. “Five contestants wake up with no memories. They think they’re on a spaceship. Which one of them will lose their mind first? Find out on next week’s episode of Numpties in Space!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dom was really getting into his mad little piece of role play, as he started humming a silly made up theme tune and running around like a five year old impersonating an astronaut. The rest of us shook our heads.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Dom, would you cut it out?” Chloe asked.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why should I? This is the stuff that brings in the ratings,” Dom smiled, “They’ll be lapping this up, the public. Ginger twat goes crazy and rumbles reality show on day one! Think of the headlines,” he started laughing maniacally. “BIG BROTHER! I’M A GINGER TWAT GET ME OUT OF HERE!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Again, more pop culture references I didn’t particularly want to recall at this moment in time.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“THERE YOU GO! I’VE RUMBLED YOU! YOU CAN KICK ME OUT NOW! SHOW’S OVER!” Dom continued yelling with glee. Chloe and Emma both covered their ears.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Must be a way out, it’s only a TV set after all…” Dom continued. He tapped on one of the walls. “Let’s see how well they built it.” Dom started banging on the wall, lightly at first, but gradually harder and harder until he was punching with all his strength.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Dom, please stop punching the wall…” Chloe sighed.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Right, okay, guess they did a pretty good job. YOU HEAR THAT, MR. PRODUCER? YOU BUILT A DAMN GOOD SET!” Dom stopped pounding on the wall and began nursing his hand. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d busted a few bones.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, look. There’s blood on the wall now…” Chloe said, very nonchalantly. This apparent physical injury didn’t look like it had fazed Dom much though. He was pacing around manically, combing the room for some kind of escape route. I glanced over to the spot on the wall Dom had been punching. Other than the small patch of blood, there wasn’t a mark in sight. Whatever these walls were made of, it would take something a lot stronger than Dom’s fist to make a dent in them.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For a short moment, we thought Dom had calmed down. Chloe and Emma sat down on the sofa, Travis resumed his default state of ‘looking at the floor,’ and I continued to gaze thoughtfully out of the window. Before long, however, it was clear Dom had other plans. He slowly turned his eyes in my direction, stared at the window and smiled triumphantly. Then he walked over to the coffee table and tried to pick it up. It wouldn’t budge.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Huh… Seems to be fused to the floor. Okay then, I’ll have to use something else…” Dom looked up at Chloe and Emma. “Excuse me ladies,” he said calmly. It was clear that he wasn’t asking to sit down, as there was plenty of room. Instantly I clocked on to what he was planning to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No… you can’t,” I warned.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Shut up Joe! Ladies, would you mind?” He was gesturing for them to stand up. Emma moved right away, but Chloe remained seated. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Chloe just stand up for one sec.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Chloe, please.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 14pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By this point Dom was practically wrestling Chloe out of the sofa. Travis suddenly stepped into action.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Stop it Dom! Let her s…sit!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m getting us out of here, Travis, if you people would… just… co-operate!” Dom finally managed to force Chloe out of her seat. She looked back at him, eyes filled with fury. Dom clearly didn’t care, as he was too busy trying to pick the sofa up.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Dom, what the hell are you doing?” Emma asked, agitated.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Getting… hnnnghh!!... out!” The huge sofa was clearly much heavier than Dom had predicted, but before long he had started to lift it. The floor underneath was surprisingly spotless.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Dom! Oh my god!” Emma yelled, then placed her hands over her mouth in shock. Dom half-dragged the sofa over towards the window, and I rushed to the other end trying to push it back.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Joe, would you please let me do this!” Dom shouted.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“If you smash that window, we’ll all die!” I yelled. “We’ll be sucked into the vacuum of space!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We’re not in fucking space!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I looked to the others for help, but Emma was crying, Chloe was in a sort of hate-fuelled trance and Travis was cowering in the corner. Dom’s strength was unfortunately much greater than mine and I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the coffee table.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s the only way!” Dom screamed, as he lifted the sofa as high as he could, and launched it towards the window with all his might.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“NOOOO!!!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the few milliseconds before the impact, I somehow had enough time to mentally contemplate several potential scenarios. One, that the window would be strong enough to withstand a direct collision, the sofa rebounding and landing squarely on Dom, perhaps killing him or at least incapacitating him to the point where he would never try something so stupid again. Two, that the sofa would go flying straight through the window, thus creating a hole into space, immediately sucking all of us out with the pressure and killing us all. Three, that Dom was actually right, the window really was a fake all along and that after smashing through it we’d be greeted by a TV production crew wearing headphones, sitting around with video monitors and clipboards. I found myself greatly preferring scenario number one. Even though three would technically put an end to this nightmare, in the end of the day I just couldn’t stand to see Dom victorious. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Actually, all three of these scenarios were wrong. As the sofa collided with the window it smashed straight through, but before the vacuum of space began to take its toll, a blue flash of light appeared where the window once was and the glass magically repaired itself. No broken glass on the floor, no damage anywhere at all. The sofa, however, carried on its trajectory, very slowly rotating its way out into space. All five of us watched silently as it gradually span into the distance, slipping further and further away. We continued to watch it glide out of reach for what must have been several minutes. Finally, Chloe voiced what we were all thinking.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Now we’ve got nowhere to sit, asshole!”</span><br />
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<a href="http://blog.tomcheshire.com/2017/05/sofa-space-preview-2-chapters-3-4.html" target="_blank">Continued in Chapter 3...</a></div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-87904732891202814172016-09-24T10:58:00.001-07:002016-09-24T11:16:35.785-07:00Mini-Reviews #5 - Micro Review Bonus Round!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A'ight, I've got a lot to go through now. Let's see how many things I can review in one sentence or less...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>DOOM (2016)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Meaty reinvention of the first person shooter with very welcome exploration, clever gameplay loops and a frenetic style that scoffs at its contemporaries gimmicky attempts at being 'fast paced shooters' - bonus points for a fun editor with full console support (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_gRjoB1uag" target="_blank">here's one I made earlier</a>)...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Captain Toad: Civil War</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wii U may be on life support but I still have some catching up to do - like this lovely little </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">puzzle / platformer / diorama / thingumajig that sees fellow superheroes locked in an epic battle of morality versus, oh wait hang on... </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMkwaaBURAJrZ-52Cmvs47XA2D2Uc49rzf5nUFc5dZDZKDPjzAwAp9gcVSZgXAa10ppe9_FsyCCvH9CMWUQWi1pV1FTqXewoHPq4J6oMNsParn-jF06stmYH7himCT4NnSUT_vX6FhaUs/s1600/icon_cap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMkwaaBURAJrZ-52Cmvs47XA2D2Uc49rzf5nUFc5dZDZKDPjzAwAp9gcVSZgXAa10ppe9_FsyCCvH9CMWUQWi1pV1FTqXewoHPq4J6oMNsParn-jF06stmYH7himCT4NnSUT_vX6FhaUs/s1600/icon_cap.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Captain America: Treasure Tracker</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In its second-act ensemble set piece it may well be the most entertaining Marvel film ever made, but getting there does mean sitting through an arduous amount of 'superhero politics' while Cap attempts to save Toadette from the clutches of an evil bird... okay I need to stop now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Time v Money: Yawn of Justice</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yeah, if you're a sucker like me you watched this in both theatrical and ultimate cuts - I dunno, for five and a half hours you could </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">probably<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> do better things with your life, like copying and pasting images of sunglasses onto pictures of actors.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5hO99Wu7un_bzzAeu5wrhXrlGT6f3z0Oa0-lu2uJVC9MIqtwkaPYRB1ceW4jWFFM6N_t_fgXZOkhzrEiajMpsyu4fv0yDn63S5PZpn-jum9OAtfu2Uiyfub8A4u7gR4WaSZIZrbniHN9S/s1600/icon_suicid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5hO99Wu7un_bzzAeu5wrhXrlGT6f3z0Oa0-lu2uJVC9MIqtwkaPYRB1ceW4jWFFM6N_t_fgXZOkhzrEiajMpsyu4fv0yDn63S5PZpn-jum9OAtfu2Uiyfub8A4u7gR4WaSZIZrbniHN9S/s1600/icon_suicid.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Suicide Squad</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Oh I'm not done wasting short reviews on this summer's superhero flicks, like this one ostensibly about an actor who thought he was doing something dark and edgy and got screwed over by the studio... well, that's a more interesting story than what we actually got with this mess...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>X-Men: The Not-Deadpool One</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Okay enough of the superhero stuff, I don't even know what to put with this one... erm... I mean it's alright, it has Oscar Isaac playing an evil smurf and about four other characters also playing smurfs engaging in a giant cosplay battle in an apocalyptic city... uh, spoiler alert?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNFEFkQ9SMqHKnpqrqzE3eoGz0LMnUhunF3rOqPOkjLoWWekjbMNWNawawwZ3oHa3lhqwevuwdaDC1WpGNWdLHObKWuaJaUgFWnoHGr5qnu12pr8lGJWbX2fCOGVkNAIaFg4ytddkoDxp8/s1600/icon_junglebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNFEFkQ9SMqHKnpqrqzE3eoGz0LMnUhunF3rOqPOkjLoWWekjbMNWNawawwZ3oHa3lhqwevuwdaDC1WpGNWdLHObKWuaJaUgFWnoHGr5qnu12pr8lGJWbX2fCOGVkNAIaFg4ytddkoDxp8/s1600/icon_junglebook.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>The Jungle Book</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As we finally move away from superhero films, here is a film about a kid who's super power is 'acting against a green screen' - It's brilliant but I don't have much to say about this, I just really wanted to put sunglasses on a bear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Stranger Things: Season 1</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-Dyooowwww-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.... (It's a good show.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Mr. Robot: Season 1 & 2</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wow, okay, so, who'd have thought that a show with such a persistent motivation to troll its own audience, a show that consistently gives its main character no concept of what he's doing or who he's with, a show with so many damn Fight Club rip-offs... would be so damn addictive?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Second Sight</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now here's a game nobody talks about anymore - a third person Metal Gear crossed with TimeSplitters? Well, it's not exactly aged well, but I had some fun playing this for the first time recently, even if it was just to listen to all the cringe-worthy dialogue. God I miss Free Radical.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Vampire's Kiss</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Finally, let me draw your attention to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfcJUl39iiA" target="_blank">greatest Nicholas Cage film ever mad</a>e - I just... please watch it, you won't regret it.</span></div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-44077402141233137412016-05-02T08:36:00.002-07:002016-05-02T08:44:04.951-07:00The Witness Nearly Drove Me InsaneFULL SPOILERS for The Witness below. If you haven't played it yet, I suggest you go check it out.<br />
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God damn, if I hear '<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrIYT-MrVaI" target="_blank">In the Hall of the Mountain King</a>' one last time, I'm going to have an aneurysm.<br />
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I'm referring of course to the final challenge in Jonathan Blow's artsy-fartsy line-drawing puzzle behemoth, The Witness, in which after many tens of hours of careful, measured problem solving and cryptic realisations, Blow throws a curveball. Take all the puzzle mechanics we've become so accustomed to but switch things up - now there's a time limit, and the puzzles are randomly generated.<br />
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The Witness' challenge section is an immediately intimidating tonal shift for a game that for the most part encourages a thoughtful pace. Until this point, the player could have (if they had no shame) essentially brute forced the majority of the game's puzzles, or worse, just looked up a tutorial online. Doing so effectively removes the entire point of the game, but for a game this resolutely demanding it's sometimes hard to avoid that temptation<br />
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I especially feel for anyone who's colour blind:<br />
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(I'm not even colour blind but I figured out I could beat this puzzle by using the PS4's video sharing feature and playing it back frame by frame - a nice little 'meta' solution I was quite proud of)<br />
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So, anyway, the challenge section... There's no way to take the easy road here - the challenge is a test of skill. Even an apparent 'cheat' that involved you being able to 'pause' on PS4 by turning the console onto rest mode and back on again has been nixed. The challenge section is a test of skill. Well, skill and luck - more on that in a minute. You could argue that it's an entirely superfluous part of the game that most people would happily pass up, but I'm not so sure. After literally about 30 hours in this world, assuming you've already activated all the lasers, it's hard to resist the pull of the final challenge.<br />
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Especially when it's the only trophy left to unlock...<br />
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So, you attempt the challenge. Classical music comes on - instantly unnerving for a game that until now has had very little sound to speak of. The first few mazes are simple, giving a false sense of security that isn't going to last. It takes a while to realise that the fourth maze is actually a map of where you need to physically walk towards the end. It became a routine for me to stop for a second and take an actual photo of the screen with my phone. So what? I'm useless memorising directions. You might I'm already showing signs of madness for doing this but I doubt I'm alone. Still, it's slightly disturbing looking back through my phone's images and seeing this:<br />
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Wow, I really tried this a lot of times, didn't I?<br />
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Not counting attempts where I restarted right at the beginning so as to get a perfect early run, I've probably attempted the challenge run over 100 times across 2 or 3 weeks. Why? Because I knew it was possible. Because after 30 hours of god damn line puzzles, I wanted to prove I could do it.<br />
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For a while it almost seemed hopeless. After the initial four easy puzzles the cavern gives way to a larger set of puzzles that come on in a random order and throw more complicated rules into the mix. Tetris blocks - I'm no good with shapes! Symmetrical lines - the absolute bane of my life. Then of course comes the part where you're presented with three puzzles, of which only one is solvable. It's quite a skill to be able to correctly discern, within the space of seconds, whether a puzzle is even solvable - a good many of my runs frankly ended at this point, and it doesn't help that getting a puzzle wrong actually pushes you back.<br />
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Then it's on to the physical maze I mentioned earlier - things are incredibly tense at this point because it's incredibly easy to get lost - the triangular puzzles are often some of the hardest ever, and in the 1% of cases when I actually manage to best them both, it's on to the final room - the cylinders.<br />
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The cylinders are evil.<br />
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Maybe they aren't actually evil, but the first few times I reached this point, it almost felt hopeless. There was no way I could calm down enough to think about what I needed to do, and with a symmetry puzzle - especially one where you can't see the whole puzzle at once - this should be a priority. By this point, if I'm lucky, the challenge mode's second song - the aforementioned In the Hall of the Mountain King, has either just started or well on the way to its full blazing finale. Either way, it makes things almost overbearingly tense, and painful when all I'm doing is standing there facing a puzzle I just don't know how to solve. I think I've got it but - nope - I've missed a dot. Try again. No, I don't see any other way of - oh, too late. Back to the first room. Try again.<br />
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So eventually I realised - turn off the sound. Sure enough, an hour or two of relatively relaxed attempts later...<br />
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The Mountain King had barely even begun! I had no idea until I watched it back later - but I'd beaten it with a solid two minutes to spare - a record time I don't think I'll ever be able to replicate, even with some of the embarrassing faffing in that video as I wandered about trying to find where the puzzles were.<br />
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I think I got lucky. Watching the footage back, a lot of the parts I tend to have trouble with - the symmetry, the triangles, were about as straightforward as I've ever seen. Is this fair? Is The Witness' final challenge based on luck, not skill, after all? I'm not so sure, but after over 100 failed attempts, this moment stands as one of the most powerful, euphoric and rewarding moments I've ever had with a game. That's the reason I had to write this blog. I've never quite experienced anything like this with another game. And I don't even know how I feel about that.<br />
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The Witness has certainly left an impression on me, then. I haven't even talked about the game's biggest 'eureka' moment yet - The fact that there are hidden puzzles everywhere in the environment, hidden in plain sight. Many people have mentioned how their view of the real world has become somewhat warped and that they are <a href="http://thewitnessirl.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">seeing Witness puzzles</a> any place there's a circle and a line, or a grid, or the shadow of a tree branch, and I totally relate to them. Hell, the game's 'secret ending' even did that literally, even though it's a ridiculously pretentious amateur-hour live action plod. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yMw0l26Jvs&t=4m" target="_blank">GoPro Blow?</a><br />
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The Witness is also one of the only games where leftover squared paper from my maths degree has actually come in handy.<br />
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It's a weird thing that happens as you get drawn in to the internal logic of Blow's game. It's almost like it's rewiring your sense of perception. It's scary - and also very empowering. It nearly drove me insane, but it shed a light on how my brain learns and adapts to new information. It's a very rewarding experience that proves that you don't need guns and action and pretty graphics - you can make an absorbing experience out of nothing more than a few hundred line puzzles... and pretty graphics.<br />
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PS: To any fans of the game, I highly recommend watching / listening to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhEDARvLf90" target="_blank">Blow's commentary with the Giant Bomb guys</a> - it's pretty much a must-see for anyone wanting to digest the many intricacies.<br />
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Now excuse me, I have to go stare at more circles.<br />
<br />Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-21600064460453231302016-02-28T12:19:00.003-08:002016-02-28T12:43:34.912-08:00Mini-Reviews #4 - Winter Happened<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did ya think I was done? I've got another load of quick-fire reviews to get through...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Life is Strange</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO80VlHCBQdX1Ec_7k0pDj5TIT_Z2VqBF4gxjGbeSHeA7dENbIkLR9OkMfiiP05XGqMxEij49zAC1ae0JBvYnu2XenwoI_TYmFZVISVHjGhIo3msAntuDDUd4iMhWZUdI19j0TJy7ttEaC/s1600/im_lifeisstrange.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO80VlHCBQdX1Ec_7k0pDj5TIT_Z2VqBF4gxjGbeSHeA7dENbIkLR9OkMfiiP05XGqMxEij49zAC1ae0JBvYnu2XenwoI_TYmFZVISVHjGhIo3msAntuDDUd4iMhWZUdI19j0TJy7ttEaC/s400/im_lifeisstrange.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wasn't initially bothered about this, on the presumption that it was a game about teenage girls and angsty social interactions. Not the sort of thing that I'd want to be seen playing, if that makes any sense. Still, I started hearing more and more buzz about the game and its time travel hook so I tried it out...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First impressions... bloody hell teenage girls are annoying, oh my god the lip syncing is so off it's painful, what tone does it want to have? All those concerns were still valid hours later, but I have to say, the game did win me over. I still don't really get the logistics of Max's power (what, she can reverse time without moving, so she's effectively teleporting? Without people noticing?) but the story does get more compelling, the drama does become engaging (I'll admit some of the moving moments were executed well, despite being somewhat hammy) and ultimately, it's a more complete, polished story about cause and effect than anything Telltale's done recently. Speaking of which...</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: '"arial"', '"helvetica"', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Telltale's Game of Thrones & Tales From the Borderlands</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtNlkKVmjKsKAcg7sutj1smrld-m9wtA-pLmTCiw6QU22YaTzrXE1z_LTTrhsGDjw5WbWWouiqAizg6UvWZ0xgTrP-hCFebUbQ1LEBzl_XRBr6rigYLXtWk3aNH270W4xYcY5vGXq6VIHW/s1600/im_tales.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtNlkKVmjKsKAcg7sutj1smrld-m9wtA-pLmTCiw6QU22YaTzrXE1z_LTTrhsGDjw5WbWWouiqAizg6UvWZ0xgTrP-hCFebUbQ1LEBzl_XRBr6rigYLXtWk3aNH270W4xYcY5vGXq6VIHW/s400/im_tales.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Telltale's been kind of going through the motions recently, I feel. I've played through all of their Game of Thrones and Borderlands episodes and that's the conclusion I've come to. Game of Thrones had its moments and really felt authentic, but came with a somewhat fitting flaw - the high death count really made the whole thing feel depressing and hopeless. Which is great on the TV show but when you're the one driving these characters to their fates? Ew...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A lot of people love Tales from the Borderlands, and that's fine, if the sense of humour is your thing. To me it came off a bit smug and show-offy, I would've preferred a subtler approach. It's still nice to have a lighter game from Telltale though, and it does feature <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgKR2nd3X_E" target="_blank">possibly my favourite scene from any of their games</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But yeah, they're still going through the motions. The Michonne mini-series doesn't look too promising...</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: '"arial"', '"helvetica"', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Until Dawn</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8ipDwZtm6zKM1cAbzMooWnLPmwLxM9YLLmlKAEUnzy6IkgzU_RQ2SZqyLvLy_mX5X7lNS-evLYm725khEbM7FGou-haXqS4LhOb84xc94SUK4pHV4AcecfNKYzHG6c4ZGoPyIgA7551D/s1600/im_undawn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv8ipDwZtm6zKM1cAbzMooWnLPmwLxM9YLLmlKAEUnzy6IkgzU_RQ2SZqyLvLy_mX5X7lNS-evLYm725khEbM7FGou-haXqS4LhOb84xc94SUK4pHV4AcecfNKYzHG6c4ZGoPyIgA7551D/s400/im_undawn.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, I've been harping on about story based games so far so I might as well talk about Until Dawn, a horror game starring such desperate D list actors as the cheerleader off Heroes and Mr. Robot (I haven't seen that show, maybe I should give it a chance). Until Dawn takes a clichéd premise and proceeds to have a lot of fun... not subverting any expectations. In fact, all I can really say is that the tension of not knowing whether I'm one quick-time event away from a permanent character death is what made Until Dawn interesting. Other than that, it's a very pedestrian walk down generic horror lane, with virtually every trope imaginable and at least twenty jump scares too many. It does have some ridiculously detailed, uncanny-valley pushing facial animation however. I might be a bit more invested if I wasn't half expecting Hayden Panettiere's character to regenerate like she always did on Heroes. Speaking of which...</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: '"arial"', '"helvetica"', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Heroes Reborn</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">What the hell happened to Heroes? When it originally got cancelled, everyone was pretty sick of it as far as I recall, but it never sunk <i>this</i> low, I swear. It's not just the recent stream of high quality TV competition that worked against this - in almost every single facet, this is the worst show I've seen in years. Awful writing, awful characters, embarrassing effects. I could go on but I can't, I just... can't bring myself to write any more about this stupid... <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVRhJ1joGCQ" target="_blank">just look at it!</a> Get it out of my face, I need to get back to something good...</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: '"arial"', '"helvetica"', sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Martian (film & book)</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhracf375fwdUW29plPG4dngepDtlUjFFdBOYf2hkKktdDiudLIVM1ZeK4sWNwZzypu96LDMcKijd0DFETLaWqbNdhIaTHzkMELnIAAbddy_lfrqmStFhCd0G3hNvXgx4iMQ7F7NrOBXMjD/s1600/im_martian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhracf375fwdUW29plPG4dngepDtlUjFFdBOYf2hkKktdDiudLIVM1ZeK4sWNwZzypu96LDMcKijd0DFETLaWqbNdhIaTHzkMELnIAAbddy_lfrqmStFhCd0G3hNvXgx4iMQ7F7NrOBXMjD/s400/im_martian.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yay! First of all, I love that someone’s finally managed to make a survival story that works without any shoehorned emotional baggage. The Martian hasn’t got any time for that crap. It’s all about solving problems, not crying about them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I saw the film first, and wasn’t expecting the it to work in such an engaging, uplifting way. I look back now at the likes of Gravity and Interstellar, both films I liked, thinking why couldn’t they have had a bit more fun too? Great cast, great direction, great visuals and a great sense of humour… you get the idea.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reading Andy Weir’s novel was interesting because it made me realise how largely faithful the film was, and also the way it was written almost as a technical how-to guide for surviving on a deserted planet. I’m exaggerating slightly, but the scientific approach that was already prevalent in the film is significantly expanded in Weir’s prose. It manages to retain a solid sense of humour and excitement throughout, so… if you asked me which version of the Martian to go with? Both!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went to see this recently. It's alright. Here's the thing - you've got to really be a fan of the album before you go to see this. It's literally a visualisation of the music rather than a play that makes use of the music.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Other Things...</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</b> - Great! Can I really think of something original to say about it? Probably not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b>Undertale</b> - I could write for ages about why this is probably my favourite game of 2015 but that would make me an 'Undertale preacher,' and those people scare me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b>The Hateful Eight 70mm Roadshow</b> - Great Tarantino film made that bit more special by the presentation. The roadshow's over now so no point recommending it!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b>Spectre</b> - Fun but flawed Bond film. Liked it at the time, thought about it, realised how lazy some of the writing is, watched it a second time, liked it a bit. The opening is good.</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Helvetica;">Super Mario Maker</b><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"> - This isn't a review, this is a plug. <a href="https://supermariomakerbookmark.nintendo.net/profile/tank2tank" target="_blank">I made some levels, go check 'em out.</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b>Halo 5: Guardians</b> - LOL REQ POINTS GET IT? REKT! Great Arena multiplayer, dodgy everything else. Agent Locke is boring. Why am I writing this?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">That's all for now, see you again whenever I decide to accelerate my plans to release something meaningful. Adios!</span></span><br />
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-6074125951948086352015-08-30T13:10:00.001-07:002015-08-30T13:55:26.734-07:00Mini-Reviews #3 - Summer Happened<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Right, summer is almost over, and it feels like it’s about time I bashed out some new unfettered opinions on stuff. Perhaps it will even help pass the time before Metal Gear Solid 5 comes out. One can only hope…</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Terminator Genisys</b></span><br />
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Crikey, where do I even start with this one? It’s no secret that this latest attempt to resuscitate an iconic franchise didn’t exactly turn out that great, so the question remains, is it still worth watching? Well, yes, kind of, but please deposit your brain by the door. This, after all, is a film that insists, without question, that the only way to stop a nuclear apocalypse is to time-travel to merely hours before it’s due to happen, despite the fact that you could theoretically stop it years in advance. This is a film that thinks that the Terminator attempting to smile - a scene from Terminator 2 that was <i>deleted </i>to make room for better scenes, deserves screen-time as running gag. This is a film that spoilt its only legitimate twist in its own bloody trailers - and - if you successfully managed to avoid those - the posters too.</div>
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It can be fun though, a lot more fun than the tiring ad-nauseam of Terminator 3 and the bleak, bland, boringness of Salvation. Watching an old Arnold fight his younger-self, realised in impressive CG, it hit me, this is nothing but a big-budget fan-film, and shouldn’t be held in any higher regard. In that respect, it has its moments. But as an intelligent sci-fi flick to rival the original films? Don’t even go there. </div>
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<b>Bonus thought: </b> Paps! I had no idea Emilia Clarke could be so annoying.</div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ant-Man</span></b></div>
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No, I’m not just reviewing this to help justify the ‘mini’ in this blog title.</div>
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Okay, so I’m going through a bit of a superhero fatigue phase at the moment. I haven’t even watched Age of Ultron yet, so it will probably strike you as odd that I went to see Ant-Man this summer. Well, put this one down to morbid curiosity I guess. I’m a giant Edgar Wright fan, so the fact that he had such a heavy involvement in the early days of this counts as a definite plus for me. Of course I’m disappointed that he didn’t direct it, but I’m sure he had his reasons. Having seen the finished film, I can think of plenty.</div>
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Ant-Man’s not bad - it is what it is. I appreciate the simplistic approach and the fact that it accepts the ridiculousness of its source material so unabashedly… After all, Ant-Man is about a man who shrinks in size and controls ants using mind-powers. It’s just… despite everything, I found the film very forgettable. It’s quite hard to put a finger on what went wrong - it’s like the whole film has been muted with a layer of mediocrity. A couple of ‘tip’ sequences in which director Peyton Reed mimics the style of Wright just feel off because they lack the kineticism we’re used to seeing in the likes of Shaun of the Dead. The effects look good, but there’s never enough weight to the action, leaving the audience is in a state of permanent detachment. Still, the final fight is quite something, hinting at the ludicrous potential that could have been unlocked since it establishes that literally anything can be shrinked or grown at ease. Perhaps it’s good that they didn’t go crazier, but a little more insanity might have made the film stand out a bit more. As it stands, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the film - if you’re not suffering from superhero fatigue you’ll probably enjoy it quite a bit. </div>
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<b>Bonus thought: </b> A cameo from Marvel’s ‘bottom of the barrel’ Avenger feels like the most shoehorned-in bit of ‘universe building’ nonsense that’s ever come out of one of these films.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>True Detective Season 2</b></span></div>
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The biggest problem with True Detective Season 2 is the fact that it’s called True Detective. The first question anyone asks will inevitably be, ‘is it as good as the first season?’ which is an unfair comparison for so many reasons. It’s an entirely different story, different cast, different location, and the circumstances surrounding its release are totally different. Season 1 came out with virtually no fanfare, and became a big hit. For Season 2 we’re all expecting something great from the get-go. I guess it makes sense to make it a ’sequel’ for marketing purposes, but the point I’m getting at here is that for all intents and purposes, they shot themselves in the foot with this one, and this should be treated as a separate show.</div>
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Christ, that was rambling. Maybe I should talk about whether it was as good as the first season…</div>
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Well, it’s certainly a more laborious watch, if that makes any sense at all. The meandering plot is dark, grisly, and kinda all-over-the-place. Ask me to describe it, I’m tempted to just shrug and blow bubbles, such is the convolution here. Watch it for the characters, I’d say, and the general atmosphere. It gets under your skin in a mildly hypnotic way, even if long stretches of episodes are padded out with meaningless pretentious dialogue. Performances are good for the most part, especially Colin Farrell, who I don’t think has ever been on such fine form. There are some great action and set-pieces sequences peppered throughout, especially towards the end, though there’s nothing as insanely well crafted as McConaughey’s one-shot drug-fuelled gang infiltration from the first season. </div>
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<b>Bonus thought:</b> Not sure Vince Vaughn convinces as a honcho tough-guy gangster type. Oh, maybe that was the point.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Fear the Walking Dead: Pilot Episode</b></span></div>
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As if superhero fatigue wasn’t enough, I’m gonna go ahead and add zombie fatigue to my list of impairments. Specifically Walking Dead fatigue. Because my god, is there a lot of The Walking Dead around at the moment. I could ramble for ages about some of my problems with the main show, but let’s not do this now. Let’s talk a bit about the new spin-off prequel that debuted last week.</div>
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I was cautiously optimistic about Fear the Walking Dead, as I figured it would be a fresh new perspective for the franchise. Away from the repetitive trudging through forests, sitting contemplatively, more trudging, more sitting contemplating… the crickets, oh god the crickets never stop!! But I digress. Fear the Walking Dead’s setting is boring. The pre-apocalypse world is boring. The action is boring. Sorry if this sounds pre-emptive and immature, but it’s simply my knee-jerk reaction to many of the generic decisions that were taken with this pilot episode.</div>
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They’re generic because this story has been done to (pardon the pun) death. Of course there’s the drugged up protagonist who makes first contact with the undead and doesn’t know if what he’s seen was real. Of course there’s a character who’s been reading up about mysterious outbreaks and is met with skepticism by others. Of course there’s the viral video of the one zombie being gunned down by police, long before anyone suspects something is up. Maybe I’m expecting too much, but I’d like to be surprised once in a while, guys. In spite of these things, and the mostly sub-par acting, I started to warm to the show towards the end. I found Frank Dillane’s Nick character to at least be engaging, as he wanders about in a state of deluded panic, seemingly channeling a young Johnny Depp. Maybe it’s his face. Anyone want to reboot Edward Scissorhands? I lost track again. Where was I? Oh yeah, talking about a show I don’t care about. Well, whatever. I’ll see how this pans out over the next few weeks. </div>
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<b>Bonus thought: </b>Opening with a guy stumbling around would be nice zombie foreshadowing, but Shaun of the Dead did it already. Yes, I’m namedropping that again.</div>
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Now to balance out the negativity from above with some good old-fashioned gushing. Yes, I've talked about Rare Replay already, but now that I’ve been sitting with a controller glued to my hands for the past month, I can confirm that everything went well with this one. Great value, great presentation and a great set of games to boot. Let’s dig deeper…</div>
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Quick reality check. The games <i>are </i>dated, inevitably, and there’s nothing we can do about that. The ZX Spectrum games are ancient and cryptic to the point of incomprehension. The Snapshots feature is alright, but pales in accessibility to NES Remix. Jet Force Gemini’s controls <i>are </i>weird - I personally have no problem with that, but I can see why people can’t get past it. And yes, Conker’s Bad Fur Day doesn’t hold up well against the more recent Xbox version, which unfortunately wasn’t included here. Neither is GoldenEye, of course, but we can’t help that. I definitely suggest digging out your old N64’s for it though - split-screen multiplayer is still a blast.</div>
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I like to think of Rare as being the Aardman equivalent in the gaming world. I grew up with their games, I follow what all their devs and ex-devs are up to on Twitter, and I know far too many facts about the history of the company. So the Rare Revealed video segments are great extra material for me - interesting too, talking candidly about Nintendo on a first-party Xbox product (despite the whitewashing of all Nintendo logos and more in the games themselves). These behind the scenes videos did leave me wanting more though - thankfully they’re planning to continue the series on YouTube.<br />
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What’s important to me is that this marks the resurgence of Rare in the gaming industry as a force to be reckoned with. I don’t normally care about charts and stuff, but there’s something satisfying about the fact that Rare Replay is the company’s first game to hit number 1 since the Banjo days. I hope it encourages Microsoft to give Rare a more hands-off approach, to nurture its IPs better (as they’ve already started doing with the likes of Killer Instinct and Battletoads) and to let them to preserve their iconic British charm - its quite telling that there’s no mention of Kinect Sports in this whole collection. </div>
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The Banjo games are brilliant. Perfect Dark is one of my favourites of all time. If you want to start somewhere, I actually recommend the obscure haunted house brawler, Grabbed by the Ghoulies. It was unfairly treated at the time, and it’s brilliant, easy to play but with a lot of challenge to boot - it’s a cacophony of silly noises and hilarious designs and stands as a brilliant summation of the company’s humour and visual appeal overall. Diddly-doo!</div>
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<b>Bonus thought: </b>I’d never played Viva Piñata before but I’m thoroughly hooked now. Though I wish the Rare revealed video explained who the hell thought using Comic Sans as a font would be a good idea.</div>
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Well, that was quite a bumper set of reviews. Though I’m looking at the clock, and Metal Gear Solid 5 still isn’t out yet. Bugger. </div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-32312688434178587862015-06-28T13:25:00.000-07:002015-06-28T14:18:07.663-07:00Belated thoughts on E3 2015<span style="font-family: inherit;">Alright, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Turns out, if anything was gonna convince me to write a new blog, a major gaming event littered with big budget bombshells will. So, without further adieu, here are my belated thoughts on some of the big announcements from E3 2015:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Star Wars Battlefront</b></span><br />
<b>(Nov 2015 - PS4, Xbox One & PC)</b><br />
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<b><br /></b><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s been years since we've had a proper Star Wars game. No, I don’t count Kinect Star Wars. I’m not sure if I even count The Force Unleashed. No, for me, I’ve always found the idea of piloting X-Wings and AT-STs far more exciting than running around as an overpowered Jedi. So here’s Dice’s big new Battlefront, and it looks almost too good to be true. Which may well be because all we’ve seen is an incredibly precisely choreographed slice of gameplay, with no context as to how well things will work out on launch day. Nevertheless, it’s Star Wars. It’s big and loud and pretty and it couldn’t be timed any better. It’s no secret that this isn’t the first time a third Battlefront game has been in the works, as the story of LucasArts’ downfall and Free Radical’s failed attempt is pretty well known by this point. While that previous concept was ultimately more ambitious, featuring massive seamless land to space battles, I’m not mourning that loss any more. This new game doesn't even feature space battles, but... man... I want it...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: Extremely authentic and polished, no Star Wars game has ever been this spectacular.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: Question marks around online performance and DLC / monetisation plans</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>The Last Guardian</b></span><br />
<b>(2016, PS4)</b><br />
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<b><br /></b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yep, The Last Guardian’s back after being off the radar for a good 5, 6 years. I’m not really surprised that the game is still happening - I know it was rumoured to have been cancelled many times previously. I’m more surprised at just how similar it looks now to it’s original unveiling. That’s not a criticism by the way, it looked amazing back then… it must be a testament to that original design that after all the stops and starts that occurred over this game’s torturous development, the design of the creature and surrounding presentation was strong enough to survive it all. It’s clear that this game is essentially Ico again but with a much larger companion - a rather literal blend of Ico and Shadow of the Colossus that certainly shows Ueda’s intentions at making this a spiritual successor. And when those two games are considered among the greatest of all time, I think it’s safe to say we should be very excited indeed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: Great surprise to have this back right when people were writing it off. Looks beautiful. I want to pet the giant bird dog thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: Hopefully more than just heartstring bait. Does anyone remember how annoying Ico’s gameplay actually was?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Doom (Remake)</b></span><br />
<b>(Spring 2016 - PS4, Xbox One & PC)</b><br />
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<b><br /></b><b><br /></b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Doom is back, once again proving that nobody does FPS gibs like id Software. Anything new from the studio that gave us the Wolfenstein - Doom - Quake lineage back in the 90s is instantly worth note. This time, they seem to have taken a cue from the popular fan mod Brutal Doom, that ups the gore to absurdity levels. The controversy surrounding the ultra-violence showcased in the demo is a bit amusing to me. Complaining that a Doom game is too violent is like complaining that a racing game contains too many roads. What exactly were you expecting? My main point of concern isn’t the level of violence, but the fact that so much of it seems to be shoved in your face, bringing the gunplay to a standstill while you wait for a preset animation to finish. Quick time events are not something I want in a Doom game. It’s a shame, and hopefully most of it’s completely optional, because in all other respects the pacing looks fantastic. While it’s a bit of a cliche that every single shooter these days features fast sprinting and double jumps, I love that circle strafing and speedy movement is back in the game; it’s absence from Doom 3 is what made the game feel… well, not like Doom. Add to that the extremely robust looking level editor tool that’s bundled with every version of the game, and I think id are on their way to a winner.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: BFGs, super shotguns, fire imps, revenants, circle strafing, that E1M1 music…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: Too start - stop with all the execution moves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Fallout 4</b></span><br />
<b>(Nov 2015 - PS4, Xbox One & PC)</b><br />
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<b><br /></b><b><br /></b><span style="font-family: inherit;">I haven’t played a Fallout game before, which I guess makes me a nutter. But what I’ve seen of Fallout 4 looks really pretty spectacular indeed. Director Todd Howard’s demonstration of the game was quite something - my brother already described him as the ‘Steve Jobs of game presenters,’ (but that’s not exactly much of a compliment considering the competition). He even managed to make a ludicrously exuberant limited edition sound worthwhile. Anyway, Bethesda look to have put together something that’s a real generational leap over the likes of Skyrim, with loads of variety and depth (even managing to riff on Minecraft and the like). There may be no Liam Neeson on voicing duties, but the new dialogue branching sounds interesting, and the dog interaction sounds great too. Luckily, it sounds like the dog will be indestructible, so there’s no need to keep the tissues on standby in anticipation for that heartbreaking scene we all envisage when hearing the word ‘dog’ mentioned in the same sentence as a violent video game. So yeah, I may well break my Fallout virginity upon the game’s release this Winter. Oh wait, I already have, I’ve been playing mobile spin-off Fallout Shelter the past couple weeks. I don’t even like mobile games, what’s going on?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: An open world game that actually stands out from the crowd. The dog can’t die.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: I don’t know if I like Fallout games yet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Rare Replay</b></span><br />
<b>(August 2015 - Xbox One)</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought it would be nice if Microsoft acknowledged British studio Rare’s 30th anniversary with some kind of compilation, but I wasn’t expecting anything near this generous. Now excuse me for sounding a little bit overly excited here, but this is literally my entire childhood being pressed into a single disc. 30 games, consisting of almost all of the company’s hits (though no licensed games, GoldenEye is out) all in one place for an absurdly cheap price. Sure, the games themselves are likely to be rather bare-bones emulations, but it’s the thought that counts. The overarching interface is well presented, at least from what I’ve seen of the preview videos, and with some cool extra features like a snapshot mode that lets you chain together snippets of older games, NES Remix style. So consider me impressed. And I never, ever expected games as obscure as Blast Corps or Snake Rattle ’n Roll to get a rerelease. Definitely a labour of love for (what was formally) my favourite game developer of all, and as if that wasn’t enough…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: Absurd value for money, nice theatre based presentation. They’re re-releasing Jet Force Gemini.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: Well, obviously there’s nothing new here. Nitpickers will complain that the games aren’t fully remastered. Conker Live & Reloaded didn’t make the cut.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Sea of Thieves</b></span><br />
<b>(2016 - Xbox One & PC)</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">…Is it fair to say Rare is officially back now? Between this, Rare Replay and the recent Kickstarter smash hit for Banjo successor Yooka-Laylee, the stench of years of disappointing losses and mediocre Kinect games is starting to be washed away. Plus, it’s pirate themed, which is extremely fitting for a company that for so many years has insisted on putting pirates in games but never giving them a game for themselves. It’s a new IP, which is a great move, even if it’s effectively a reimagining of the old Project Dream concept. There’s not that much to go on so far, but the visuals are looking lovely, and if this can build on some of the big open world pirate game concepts that Assassin’s Creed IV toyed around with, there’s a lot of good that could come out of this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: There may not be much of the old staff around, but that’s definitely a Robin Beanland score I hear, and long-time designer Gregg Mayles is on board, judging by the fake usernames floating about in the trailer. Pirates!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: It’s clearly got it’s ambitions in the increasingly worrisome ‘always-online’ arena. Let’s hope they don’t mess it up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Star Fox Zero</b></span><br />
<b>(Q4 2015 - Wii U)</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Nintendo’s online E3 event was surreal and shambolic, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glUEKwjqMKw" target="_blank">being mostly comprised of (admittedly entertaining) puppet antics</a>, shockingly light on new game announcements other than ones that <a href="http://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2015-06-18-over-12-000-sign-petition-to-cancel-metroid-prime-federation-force" target="_blank">angered the entire core fanbase of the company</a>. The one thing that stuck out for me was the game Nintendo decided to focus the most on, their new Wii U Star Fox. My first thought upon watching gameplay for Star Fox Zero was something along the lines of ‘that is definitely Star Fox.’ My next thought was ‘this is almost too Star Fox.’ Artistically and conceptually, Nintendo have adopted an incredibly old-school, almost backwards approach with bright, basic visuals, cheesy dialogue and a general quirky tone that’s right in line with the last ‘true’ game in the series, Star Fox 64. You know, 18 years ago. I loved that game. I don’t know what people without a nostalgia hat are going to make out of this, you know, if they had to choose between this and Star Wars Battlefront.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pros: First authentic Star Fox game in decades. Platinum Games co-developing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cons: Almost too retro? Wii U control gimmicks might end up being a hindrance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Other thoughts:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Super Mario Maker - Now that’s a game creation tool I can really get behind…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Metal Gear Solid V - It’s coming so soon that I don’t want to spoil it for myself, so no comment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 - Almost looks like a superhero action game now. Running out of ideas?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Assassin’s Creed Syndicate - Another one. This time with Cockneys. Think I’ll pass.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">South Park: The Fractured But Whole - Brilliant title. That’s all I wanted to say.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End - Flawless cinematic action. Except for the fact that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCczpvCsOV0" target="_blank">it breaks every time they show it</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Final Fantasy 7 Remake - Well that’ll shut the fanboys up at last.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Shenmue 3 - Ditto. But doing it via Kickstarter is a bit disingenuous, surely?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">No Man’s Sky - Is this ever going to come out?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Horizon: Zero Dawn - Female Turok versus robot dinosaurs, or something.</span><br />
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Cuphead: Oh my god, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TjUPXAn2Rg&t=0m29s" target="_blank">it’s beautiful</a>.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dreams - Okay. what is it again?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Halo 5: Guardians - Pew pew pew. Locke is the most generic character of all time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Destiny: The Taken King - They won’t be ‘taken’ my money this time. Hur hur hur… Wait, are those new subclasses? Shhhiii…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gears 4: Uh… Too many games with guns. It’s melting my brain.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rise of the Tomb Raider: Nope, there’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TQR2tyoaXQ&t=4m50s" target="_blank">no way she survived that</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Microsoft’s Hololens: Waiting to see more of it. If I was into Minecraft, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT-6gsQnrYw&t=0m45s" target="_blank">I’d have crapped my pants.</a></span><br />
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Final thoughts? All this virtual reality tech is certainly very intriguing, but I'm <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfpqXj9gtBs" target="_blank">not sure this guy's really sold me on the new Oculus controllers.</a><br />
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That's all guys!<br />
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-1561275564201147122014-10-19T08:54:00.000-07:002014-10-19T09:21:35.009-07:00My Story of Making Stuff<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
It’s been a while, erstwhile fans of my blog (yes, all 2 of you) so you might be wondering what games and films I’m planning to review next. Actually, I did promise someone to add some variety on here by not restricting myself to only doing half-arsed reviews every now and then… So I’m back with something unapologetically self-obsessed that maybe taps into the reason I’m doing this silly little thing in the first place.</div>
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I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to create. It’s always been a driving force in my life, and I’ve also never been particularly restricted to one form or another. Well, okay, there are restrictions, in the sense that there are certain things that I’m so appallingly bad at that it makes no sense to even contemplate trying them. And that’s ok. Arts and crafts, anything relying on manual dexterity; certain primary school projects featuring pottery or stitching or woodwork come to mind as disastrously applied examples of botched art; it is quite apparent that these are not areas that I should be looking to fulfill my creative itches.</div>
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So, at a young age, faced with an overwhelming lack of ability in sports but above average literary skills, it makes perfect sense that I would want to write. All kids doodle, and doodle I did, but I also wrote, and wrote a lot. The really early ‘stories’ I wrote are surreal to the point of actually not making any sense at all, and not just because of the terrible handwriting. Looking back through all these archives (I’ve got really good at hoarding everything through the years, both on computer and on paper), it’s quite amusing to see how many stories and things I abandoned soon after beginning, after the first chapter, first page, or in some cases, after just the <i>contents</i> page (for a while as a kid, I had this hilarious quirk of wanting to do the contents page first,<i> </i>and guess the page numbers for each chapter, before even writing a single sentence.)</div>
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Video games had a massive impact on me. We got the Nintendo 64 in 1997, and my five-year old brain just exploded. I’d never seen anything like it; bearing in mind until then I’d only ever seen games on the blurry monochrome screen of the original Game Boy. So, of course, soon everything I was writing was video game themed; I’d be making up badly-worded game walkthroughs for games that didn’t exist and writing lists of game menus - even more pointless than fake contents pages. It didn’t matter though, it was all just adding fuel to the childish fantasies in my head, no different to kids playing make-believe and running around pretending there are exploding spaceships everywhere. </div>
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The first ‘book’ of any notable length that I finished was based on N64 classic Banjo-Kazooie in 1998. It was about 50 pages long in the end (albeit with massive handwriting and huge pictures) but it was complete, and I was so proud of it I spun out two sequels over the next few years, and then tape-recorded myself reading it out loud like an audio-book, high-pitched voice and all. I would have been maybe 8 years old. I have no shame. (I also used to record myself playing around with a Casio keyboard - badly, I never learned to play piano - and singing along... THAT, my friends, <i>is </i>embarrassing.)</div>
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Of course, this was around the time I ended up starting to make things on computers. There was a great old art program called Kid Pix that I was obsessed with, not just because it was a child doodler’s paradise, but because it let you stitch together slideshows and essentially make your own little movies. Here's one of them:</div>
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"I think it's about time we fought Earth" - Great motivation there from the Martian leader</div>
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That was mind-blowing, because now I could tell stories through moving pictures as well as words. Over time, my dad’s graphic design credentials led me to gradually become exposed to what is now Adobe Flash, and it’s what I’ve used as an animating tool now for almost 15 years. The beauty of Flash is that it also houses its own programming language and combined with the visual interface it’s quite easy to make certain basic types of games. Yeah, games. I’d already been tinkering with level editors at this point, but there’s just something different about being able to make something entirely on your own. I had no idea what I was doing at the time, back in the early 2000s, but I figured out how to do point and click styled things and had an absolute blast doing so. Most of the time I’d knock out a title screen and get no further, but it didn’t matter that I was never going to finish most things, it was just fun to try.</div>
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Everything changed when we finally got broadband in the mid-2000s and I realised I could share my stuff with the outside world. Before then, I’d done the odd crude animation or two to share with people at school, but as I started developing my skills, I realised I really could do something more ambitious. My first real internet project in 2006, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgn4HolVA_Q" target="_blank">Stupid Mario Bros</a>, was a crude sprite-animation video that I chose to do, pretty much, because similar things were already widespread and attracted a lot of views. Funnily enough, this video has had by far the biggest viewership of anything I’ve ever made, even though it’s unoriginal and was animated it in a single day.</div>
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10,000 views… 100,000 views… This was exciting! For a while I became captivated with the idea of simply having an audience, so I guess I became a bit of a sell-out. I jumped aboard the ‘YouTube Poop’ train, basically a fad of doing quick and silly remixes of memes, particularly the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhIPQBATWOw" target="_blank">Cd-i videos</a>, and these made up the majority of my YouTube channel for a good few years. I brought in a whole load of views this way, but it didn’t feel earned. It was fun for a while, but it was too cheap and lacking in spirit. I took up a number of ambitious projects to try and dispel this bad taste, and most fell through, though there were exceptions - <a href="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/426727" target="_blank">this Star Wars game I did</a> stands out as being a massive 6-month long project I can actually say I finished, back in 2008. During this period I had a website too, tank2tank.co.uk. It’s long-gone now, was never particularly successful, but it was a massive learning experience. In a way, I think it proved to me that internet views are pretty meaningless. You can attract a following from any kind of rubbish, but is that really what you want to do? You have to be a) absurdly lucky and b) obsessively committed to make a living off it anyway, so surely it’s better to just do what you feel like doing?</div>
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The flip-side of the coin is the feeling of having made a difference on a more personal, interconnected level. There’s the rare occasion where you get a comment along the lines of ‘this video cheered me up after a hard day’ or perhaps most unbelievably ’I watched this video with my parents and we quote it every day,’ and you can’t help but feel proud of what you’ve done. It’s still true, then, that people’s reactions to what I’ve made are something I actively seek out, whether it be between my friends or amongst strangers online. Of course, that can mean sifting through criticism or incessant trolling if you’ve ever navigated the labyrinths of YouTube comments before. It’s never been a problem for me, though. Sometimes I question whether I’m just selfishly looking for something to prove, to witness that spontaneous reaction of people being impressed, amused, or even in awe of seeing something they wouldn’t know how to make themselves. I don’t know whether that’s really what it’s all about. There is something special about being able to provoke a reaction in something you’ve made, but there’s also something special about fulfilling your own desire to simply create, to seize ownership of your own imagination and turn it into something tangible. </div>
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In recent years perhaps my output has lessened. It’s a pretty natural effect of growing up, grinding through university, having to get a job and then having less time week on week to make things at the same rate as before. Also, it’s a side effect of wanting to make everything better, trying more and more ambitious ideas that just aren’t going to go anywhere without proper planning and time management. As recently as 2012 I was trying to focus on Shoe Sandwich, a collaborative channel with much higher quality output; for a while it looked like it would work - the Shoenice video below is the most sophisticated animation I’ve worked on - but like many things Shoe Sandwich soon fell apart due to a lack of time and overly elaborate ideas.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">If I die tomorrow, at least I can die knowing that I once voiced a talking tampon.</span></div>
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But elaborate ideas can’t be ignored. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdczOMzzXaAJynPYwrp4qQw" target="_blank">My own YouTube account</a> may have gone quiet and it may be harder for me to find the right time or place to work on something, but I can never give up on my desire to create. Why else do you think I started this blog? I have massive projects I still want to do someday, things I’ve never tried before, other things I’m already half-way there on. I’ve come full circle, in a way, back to my original desire to tell stories and design games, and I’m finding it exciting. It’s really, really exciting. What I’ve learned is that it really doesn’t matter what medium you choose. Writing books, poems, drawing comics, painting, making music, singing, dancing, acting, directing, programming… it doesn’t matter <i>what</i> it is you choose to do, or how you choose to do it, or how successful you are at it. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with your career, or get in the way of your degree. It can just be a hobby. I actually like the fact that it’s just a hobby for me. In a way, that makes it more special. Do it because it’s enjoyable. I know what I want to do.</div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-68079460490567070132014-08-16T11:10:00.001-07:002014-08-16T11:21:10.303-07:00Mini-Reviews #2 - Sci-fi Roundup - Apes, Space Raccoons, Bald Men & Betas!<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Oh, wow. I've somehow broken the 'one blog per month' curse to do another selection of half-arsed reviews. This time they're all sci-fi themed. Yep, time to embrace my inner nerd...</span><br />
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<b>Dawn of the Planet of the Apes</b></div>
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The confusingly titled sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes (how can the dawn come after the rise?) is a brilliantly made blockbuster. Even if you disliked the previous film, it's worth giving this one a shot as it has a significantly different tone. The film does a good job of keeping you invested and rooting for both sides, though the CGI chimps undeniably steal the show. Koba in particular gets some very scene-stealing moments. The characterisations and mo-capped performances are complex and nuanced even when the film dares to devote entire scenes to subtitled sign-language and simple primal growls. Despite devolving into silly, schlocky action full of apes-riding-horses-with-machine-guns, exploding skyscrapers and overly convenient plot contrivances, it does so in such a way that the film loses none of its credibility while more than fulfilling the Summer blockbuster action itch.</div>
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<b>Guardians of the Galaxy</b></div>
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Has Star Wars come early? Er... if Han Solo were a space raccoon and Chewbacca were a talking tree... maybe... Actually, Chris Pratt's Starlord is even more the Han Solo type, making for a likeable protagonist, rolling around with his inexplicably-still-working Sony Walkman. Some good song choices in this movie. It's fun seeing a goofy ensemble sci-fi that doesn't take itself too seriously, but does enough to make us care about what is happening. I'm looking at you, Star Trek Into Darkness. Effects can be a little over-flashy and some scenes are derivative of other Marvel films (good or bad depending on how much you're into them, personally I'm a little burned out), yet the film has a lot of director James Gunn's wacky indie charm, a massive likeable cast and does a great job setting up an expansive and completely bonkers world. I just wish Peter Serafinowicz had more to do.</div>
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<b>The Zero Theorem</b></div>
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Moving away from blockbusters, here's something that's had virtually no marketing of any kind. A dystopian film from Terry Gilliam, very much in the vein of his classic Brazil (which is one of my favourite films), though this is way more abstract and less accessible. Django Unchained's Christoph Waltz plays Qohen, a bald, deluded programmer tasked with mathematically proving that life has no meaning, or something. It's all very surreal and visually interesting, as one would expect from a Gilliam sci-fi. There are plenty of quirky elements, like the AI therapist who at one point breaks out into rap for no reason whatsoever. The film is only sporadically thought-provoking though, it's mostly just headache-inducing Gilliam nonsense. At one point a character asks, "Do you have any idea what the zero theorem is all about?" which is a very apt comment.</div>
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<b>Destiny (Beta)</b></div>
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Alright, now let's talk games. As anyone who's been following Destiny's development probably knows, Bungie ran a beta of their Borderlands-esque Halo-but-not-Halo shooter for the public a few weeks back. I had a decent amount of time with it, but I came away somewhat disappointed. Production values - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlOYatDYC40" target="_blank">awkward Peter Dinklage dialogue aside</a> - are incredibly strong, particularly soundtrack-wise, while the controls are as smooth as you'd expect given the company's heritage. It's just that the focus is so much on grindy, MMO-style repetition... I spent nearly two hours trying to grind out a tank boss with a couple of other cohorts and wandered what I was doing with my life. There's just so much repetition in the design that everything rubs off as generic and pointless, in spite of how good it looks. Guardians? Darkness? Fallen? Blah. Thanks Bungie, I'll pass. I think I'm getting a bit sick of sci-fi now.</div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-59366468958584123802014-08-10T14:19:00.001-07:002014-08-16T11:23:55.238-07:006 Pointless Observations About Commuting to London<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Right, I think I feel like taking a break from talking about mooveez ’n vidya gamez for once. Good gravy! Did I just say what I thought I just said?</div>
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As a graduate who has now managed to transition into the perpetual reality that is the world of work, as someone who was used to taking five minute walks into lectures and had to adjust to a daily ninety minute commute into the capital, I thought I’d give a brief overview of some of the less-than-widely-documented things I’ve noticed over the last few months. 6 of the most unceremoniously trivial and generally obtuse points I can think of, which may or may not ring true for anybody else of a similar background. Are we sitting comfortably?</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">1- Commuting from outside London isn’t as common as I thought it would be</span></b></div>
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You can always tell when somebody asks ‘where do you live’ that they are expecting the name of a London borough somewhere within zones 1 to 6. Give a different answer and the typical response will generally be ‘which zone is that,’ to which you must calmly explain that there are in fact places beyond the city and it is actually possible to come from “the outside.” Once the shock dials down, the accuser will then proceed to either treat you as one of the wildlings from Game of Thrones or continually ask you bewildering questions about your commute as if it is the most exciting thing in the world. (Spoiler alert, it isn’t, although that hasn’t stopped me blabbing on about it.)</div>
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Of course, I shouldn’t complain at the end of the day, because there are still more than enough commuters like me around. Frankly, if there were any more of us, the whole national rail system would grind to a halt. In the grand scheme of things there isn’t much to complain about - the travel time is still significantly less than many people who live within the confines of ‘zone 1-6’ so is it really something to worry about? Cheaper house prices offset the higher travel costs, so in the end of the day, I suppose, the decision of where to live is a matter of personal convenience, and personally, it’s quite convenient being able to come in from such a distance that there’s just enough time to watch an episode of Game of Thrones on the train every day. That’s the second time I’ve mentioned Game of Thrones and I'm still on point number one. I think I might have a problem. </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">2 - Everyone walks around with smashed up phones</span></b></div>
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Now this is a weird one. I get the principal, really, you’re working in London, you’ve had a few pints and you’ve dropped your phone. The screen is all buggered… where’s the warranty? Your phone is on a contract, ooh but what’s this? Next year’s model is about to be released? Never mind - you can wait until then to get it fixed. But seriously? The amount of smashed up phones I see being used on a daily basis is quite bizarre to me. It’s at least one per day and often three or four, be it on the tube, out and about or in the office. I’m not talking minor scrapes or scratches either, I’m talking full-blown shattered glass.</div>
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Maybe it’s the fashion these days to be unable to see 95% of your screen thanks to cracks so deep they make the pixels around them bleed into one another. I can’t imagine it’s very good for productivity - try sending a legible text message when you can’t use certain letters ‘cos there’s a massive gaping hole in your screen. What exactly is going on here? Are people this prone to butterfingers with their mobiles when travelling out and about in the capital? I don’t remember ever noticing this trend anywhere else, maybe it’s just me? Maybe the sheer density in population is making it appear like this is more commonplace than it actually is. I guess the moral of this story is to take care of your phone, but if you smash yours up to the point that it’s almost unusable and want to feel less bad about it, I guess you should go to London.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">3- There’s a knack for catching the right train at the right time</span></b></div>
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Alright, listen up whippersnappers. I’m going to break the commuters’ code and give y’all some actual advice right now. It’s hard to quantify this but there is a system, there is a way to make sure you always manage to get on a train that’s A) a fast train, B) always has a space to sit and C) doesn’t break down suddenly. The first point is obvious, you just have to know in advance which ones will have loads of extra stops and which ones won’t. If you want to do some more detective work, mix up your routine from time to time. Figure out which trains regularly have large pauses at signals at specific times (the ones with more stops won’t always be slower) and which ones tend to be the most crowded. </div>
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As for point B, you don’t have to get to the platform super early, although it can help. If you’re staring at the departure boards waiting for an incoming train’s platform number to be announced, you can usually rely on simple deduction to figure out which platform it’ll be, and if not, I’ve noticed that the average King’s Cross’er doesn’t have particularly good reaction time when the boards refresh, even when they’re fixated on them. It’s pretty satisfying (in a kind of devilish, OCD way) to be the first one in a massive crowd to have twigged which platform a train’s gonna arrive at - and once you’re ahead of the masses, remember you’ve got first dibs for seating. If you’re not going to be early, I find that the best place to get on a long train is about a third the way down the platform. People will generally get right on the front of the train if they’re completely rushed, but many will try to go all the way down the platform and fill up from the opposite end, so you often end up with this weird lull about a third down the platform shortly before the train departs. That’s my advice, anyway. What do I know? I’ve not been doing this for very long, so I’m probably not qualified to write a whole bloody essay on it. </div>
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Oh, as for point C? Yeah, ok, that was a lie. Good luck with that one...</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">4- Finding something productive to do on the journey isn’t hard, but plan ahead</span></b></div>
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More advice? What’s come over me? </div>
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I’ve already mentioned how much I enjoy watching stuff on the train. However… If you’re trying to watch something on your phone in the middle of Summer, it can be pretty damn impossible to hear any of the dialogue with the sound of the wind rushing past, even with maximum volume booming out of your headphones. Frankly, nobody wants to shut the windows on a hot day, probably not even you. So download some subtitle tracks beforehand. It’s not hard to get them synced up to whatever you’re watching - use an app like VLC if you’re doing this manually. The other point of course is to make sure you’ll be able to get to a good stopping point in time. If you’re gonna sit playing games or even do some actual work on the train then the same advice stands. You don’t want to be missing your destination ‘cos you just had to beat that damn level / fix that spreadsheet (delete as appropriate)</div>
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I’ll confess to occasionally watching things at 120% playback speed. A little mental, I know, but faster-than-normal dialogue becomes surprisingly unnoticeable with practice (as long as it’s not pitched up.) So if you need to make a 50 minute show into a 42 minute show to fit the travel times, give it a go, and let me know how much of a nutter I am.</div>
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If all else fails, just take a nap. It’ll be good for you. I like to do that in the mornings, since it helps soften the blow of getting up at stupid o’ clock. Again, don’t miss your stop. It can happen.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">5- Don’t eat food on the tube</span></b></div>
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Just don’t do it. I don’t care how empty the carriage is, it’s just not on. I’m not sure where this rule originated from but I could hazard a guess that it’s because you pretty much can’t find anywhere less hygienic in the whole of London, and that’s saying something. Oh, but feel free to go nuts if you’re on a National Rail train. At rush hour it’s like everyone's just come from an all you can eat buffet. </div>
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That’s all I want to say about the underground. The less said about it, the better.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">6- Beware the King’s Cross escalator hologram lady</span></b></div>
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She even <a href="https://twitter.com/KXEscalatorLady" target="_blank">has her own Twitter page</a> these days. Shut your eyes! There is no escape! </div>
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-44196042221084403512014-07-31T13:31:00.000-07:002014-07-31T13:33:27.325-07:00Abandoned Scripts - Game Over<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: left;">
Blog filler time! While I continue to fail at finding adequate time to write entertaining junkets of trivialness on here, I'm going to dig out another one of my unproduced animation scripts from a couple of years back. This one actually did get started and released as a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Y25xSsLzw" target="_blank">short Shoe Sandwich video,</a> though we really didn't get very far with it.</div>
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Loosely based on the March 2012 administration crisis with British retailer GAME, this script was intended as a parody of the state of video games entering the digital distribution age. It could have been quite timely with the whole Xbox One debacle last year, but never mind. Also, Paul Christoforo is a character for some reason. If you haven't heard of him, <a href="http://venturebeat.com/2011/12/27/ocean-marketing-how-to-self-destruct-your-company-with-just-a-few-measly-emails/" target="_blank">read this article</a>. It might just make your day.</div>
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Now, with no further adieu:</div>
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<b>GAME OVER</b></div>
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<i>It's launch day for Call of Warfare 3</i></div>
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<b>INTERVIEWER</b></div>
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Good evening viewers! I'm reporting here live from the Gamerz midnight launch of Call of Warfare 3. This new title from Electronic Infinity Vision is set to become the highest grossing video game in history! Let's see what these guys think.</div>
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<b>PERSON 1</b></div>
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Call of Warfare!! Wooo!!!!</div>
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<b>PERSON 2</b></div>
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I'm so pumped man, this game's gonna change the world man, f'real man. Ugghhhh!!!!</div>
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<b>PERSON 3</b></div>
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(A man is rubbing his crotch) </div>
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UGHHHHEHHHOOHH</div>
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<b>INTERVIEWER</b></div>
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You're near the front, right. How are you feeling?</div>
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<b>PERSON 4</b></div>
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I've been sat here for 17 hours straight, just waiting and waiting and I can't… (inaudible)</div>
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<i>Clock strikes midnight and the doors of Gamerz open, the crowd rushes in. Paul Christoforo is at the tills</i></div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Hey man, welcome to Gamerz. What can I do for you?</div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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One Ultra Hardened Legendary Elite Edition please!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Erm, alright , what game is that?</div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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COW 3!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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What? Three cows?</div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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Call of Warfare 3!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Oh… right, we don't sell that game here.</div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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What?... but the signs?</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Uhh we got Call of Warfare 2.5. We'll throw in a free strategy guide!</div>
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(strategy guide is mispelled as 'stratagy guide')</div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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I've been here all night man, where's my COW 3?</div>
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<i>(Outside the shop the crowd are getting anxious)</i></div>
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<b>PERSON 1</b></div>
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What's taking them so long?</div>
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<b>PERSON 2</b></div>
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Maybe it's not midnight yet?</div>
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<b>PERSON 3</b></div>
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I bet it's part of the big buildup, just you watch…</div>
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(Small awkward wait as nothing happens)</div>
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<b>PERSON 4</b></div>
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Uh… guys… (looking at his phone)</div>
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<i>(Back in the shop)</i></div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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This is just a joke!, how am I supposed to unlock perks and prestige before all my friends!? Euagghh!!!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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<a href="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/aa/aadbceb6860a64c259fc121c9e3bd1f5a1d8f4cad378d812f363508d19f5324c.jpg" target="_blank">Son I'm 38 I've wworked as in this shop since you were a sperm in your Daddy's balls!</a></div>
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<b>PERSON</b></div>
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You can't treat your costumers like this!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Well, we here at Gamerz do value our customers but sometimes we get kids like you - we have to put you in the corner with your 'I'm stupid' hat on.</div>
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<i>(Outside person 4 is reading what's on his phone)</i></div>
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<b>PERSON 4</b></div>
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Confirmed, Gamerz is unable to sell Call of Warfare 3 due to a lack of credit insurance with the game's publisher and suppliers...</div>
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<b>PERSON 3</b></div>
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What?!</div>
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(PERSONS burst in the store panicking)</div>
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<b>PERSON 2</b></div>
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Is it true?!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Is what true?</div>
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<b>PERSON 3</b></div>
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Are you selling COW3 or aren't you!</div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Pftt.. No of course not, we promised a launch party not a launch!</div>
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<b>ALL THE PERSONS DELIVER LINES OF SHOCK</b></div>
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<i>(Paul is kicking the crowd out of the store as a angry nerd riot starts outside)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>PAUL</b></div>
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Oh yeah, yeah, cry bitches! I'll sell your orders on eBay!</div>
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<b>INTERVIEW</b></div>
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<i>(the man who likes to appear on the news is standing behind the reporter unfazed by the riot)</i></div>
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Excuse me, Mr. Christof… Mr. Christof… Damn (getting trampled by the crowd)</div>
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<i>(Crowd is going mental like the London Riots)</i></div>
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<b>PERSON 2</b></div>
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(Crying) Oh my god don't do this to me man, please God no man, please!</div>
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<b>PERSON OFFSCREEN</b></div>
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OVER THERE!</div>
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<i>(A delivery van is driving past, the mob chase after it and it crashes - shaky cam footage)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>PERSON 4</b></div>
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I've got one!</div>
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<i>Person appears having holding the game box, but the mob quickly overpower him and force the box open - the disc starts rolling down the street as the mob chase after it and rolls down the drain. Shot of the disc at the bottom of the drain buried in mud, then it cuts back to the interviewer who is watching the people try and reach into the drain. He turns to face the camera.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>INTERVIEW</b></div>
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Another successful launch for the gaming industry. Call of Warfare 3, available from online retailers today.</div>
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<i>Next is a montage scene showing a series of before and after stills with a fade in-between</i></div>
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<i> First - the outside of the Gamerz shop, which becomes a coffee shop or hairdressers or something.</i></div>
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<i>Next - a bookshelf full of games becomes a collection of hard drives.</i></div>
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<i>Next - a shot of a fairly small TV with a bunch of consoles is replaced with a TV that's far too large for the room, with a hard drive plugged into it. As this last part fades we hear a voiceover:</i></div>
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<b>ELECTRONIC INFINITY VISION PRESIDENT</b></div>
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My fellow gamers. In the past few years, we've seen the rise of digital downloads as the primary distribution method for all forms of entertainment. But there are those who refuse to accept this new medium, and continue to hold back the gaming industry. That's why from today, it will be illegal to sell or distribute boxed games in any shape or form…</div>
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<i>Camera pulls back to reveal a screen in the middle of a dystopian police-state city, with Combine-like police officers patrolling the streets. A shifty looking ‘dealer’ is ducking around in the shadows, and steps into an abandoned warehouse. He approaches the back of a van and knocks.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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Steve? I've got the package.</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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(Opens the trunk of the van) Well well well…</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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My money. Where is it?</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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Ah ah… Not yet. Let's see it.</div>
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<i>Dealer hands Steve a package. Steve opens it, revealing a game box (Call of Warfare 17 or something) He examines the box cover and smirks excitedly. He rips the box open and sniffs the inside as if it's a drug.</i></div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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Awww yeah… That is some good shit. What do you think boss?</div>
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<i>(He tosses the box to a guy behind him who also sniffs the inside.)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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Disc, check, new game smell, check, no eco-friendly holes, uh-huh, full colour manual! Haven’t seen one of them in eons… no notes section, busy day?</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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Nobody ever gave a toss about the notes section.</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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Hm, funny guy. </div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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Anyway, it'll do. Come over here.</div>
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<i>(They lead him inside the van)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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It wasn't easy getting the right thickness of plastic, I'm telling you, the next time I…</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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(draws a gun) FREEZE! THIS IS A RUSE!</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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Oh god dammit!</div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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You didn't just think you could get away with disobeying the state like this, did you bub? See the sorts of tactics you dealers have forced us to employ. It's shameful. Cuff him, Steve.</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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What you're doing isn't fair. What are collectors supposed to do now?</div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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Digital distribution allows for freedom of expression, innovation, getting away from the system.</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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You people became the system! Seriously, when was the last time you played a game that wasn't a sequel?</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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He's got a point there, Boss.</div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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Shut it! Look, sonny, like it or not, this is the way the world works now. Let's take this guy to the station.</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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No…</div>
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<b>STEVE</b></div>
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What was that?</div>
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<b>DEALER</b></div>
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No!!!!</div>
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<i>(Dealer grabs the game box and makes a run for it. He doesn't get very far.)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>BOSS</b></div>
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Take him out.</div>
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<i>(Dealer is shot and falls to the floor with the game case falling to the ground and breaking. Blood leaks into the game case and over to the same drain as before, where the original Call of Warfare 3 disc has become buried in the dirt and is being worshipped by insects.)</i></div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-55182392505118004342014-06-24T15:00:00.002-07:002014-06-24T15:47:13.253-07:00Mini-Reviews #1 - Godzilla! Fargo! Mario Kart 8! E3!<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px;">
Let’s try something new then, seeing as these blogs aren’t going to write themselves. Mini-reviews! Boom!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwce05DA9kVEALPKwYCziGi-Xx4961mkSDmYw0bq5uFBQFBLLFU9ATgD7_F9lHi7U9WYcpOlzBuMEau-BUBKnO4lIk2BwA5tH-hvwGC1-pbHm0w5ISj8Biy8pLdPRczoe5akDAQ-f9SJIq/s1600/im_godzilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwce05DA9kVEALPKwYCziGi-Xx4961mkSDmYw0bq5uFBQFBLLFU9ATgD7_F9lHi7U9WYcpOlzBuMEau-BUBKnO4lIk2BwA5tH-hvwGC1-pbHm0w5ISj8Biy8pLdPRczoe5akDAQ-f9SJIq/s1600/im_godzilla.jpg" /></a></div>
<b>Godzilla (2014)</b><br />
At last someone in the West figured out how to make an actual Godzilla movie unlike 1998’s pseudo-Jurassic Park nonsense. Godzilla himself has an impressive sense of scale and looks very good <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94mg71wMZaI" target="_blank">for once</a>, but he sure likes to make us wait, almost like he’s doing a two hour long striptease. It means that we get just the right amount of Godzilla to have an impact, but we’re left with a mediocre human story to carry things, which only gets more generic and tedious as the movie progresses. It's generally all very well directed and acted; the other monsters have some decent moments, though I would have personally preferred it if ole Godzy was fighting something that didn’t look like an amalgamation of literally every single recent movie monster from Cloverfield to Super 8. Let’s get some of those bonkers Japanese monsters back. Well, <a href="http://13thdimension.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Jet_Jaguar2.jpg" target="_blank">maybe not all of them</a>…<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qtCvQwKRJOZbwI2cODNboyqFnzyV6KjSfwYjooLKMLYU8593fg22PPqanFtdLnKnnY5aZKzLEihbEo_8pC1sewki0S53rcAsRIYuZlDb9qCm-n6Hd6-qeUETFDN_HUadNmusA0D0YCem/s1600/im_fargo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qtCvQwKRJOZbwI2cODNboyqFnzyV6KjSfwYjooLKMLYU8593fg22PPqanFtdLnKnnY5aZKzLEihbEo_8pC1sewki0S53rcAsRIYuZlDb9qCm-n6Hd6-qeUETFDN_HUadNmusA0D0YCem/s1600/im_fargo.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>Fargo (Series)</b></div>
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Made oddly more compelling by the fact that virtually nobody I know was watching it, this series captures the tone of the Coen brothers film perfectly with some great visuals and a terrifically deranged Billy Bob Baddie. Between some over-the-top anti-heroes and ann amusing supporting cast (hi Saul!) there’s a strong, believable female protagonist much like the film to keep things grounded. Speaking of which, I worried at first that the characters and scenarios would be too archetypically similar to the film (to which the story is only loosely connected) but that fear subsided before the end of the first episode. Overall thoughts now that it’s over? Well, it was occasionally a little slow-moving, probably didn’t need 10 episodes, but there’s an engaging undercurrent of tension throughout. Now if only I could get over Martin Freeman’s accent.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqV4dgNxdZLwKFppTpn98Y4XSY8_rJZLH6_0saiPS4m3tGARzbd2dzJqoiNYBm4204-XOPz_zIy48Gq27pj6xrBRIAGmp8aqVZLg9b2bWCLlxqXUDaSPHuMQck0YS35ofK6rc4yRpiqySR/s1600/im_mkart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqV4dgNxdZLwKFppTpn98Y4XSY8_rJZLH6_0saiPS4m3tGARzbd2dzJqoiNYBm4204-XOPz_zIy48Gq27pj6xrBRIAGmp8aqVZLg9b2bWCLlxqXUDaSPHuMQck0YS35ofK6rc4yRpiqySR/s1600/im_mkart.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>Mario Kart 8 (Wii U)</b><br />
Mario Kart 8 is like meeting up with an old friend you've kept bumping in to since 1996 and discovering that they are still exactly the same as they’ve always been, except they’ve suddenly struck gold in the looks department. Which is to say that the graphics are the main new selling point in Mario Kart 8, unless you count the anti-gravity stuff… but that would be doing a major disservice to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-Zero_GX" target="_blank">best racing game of all time</a>. The replays are cool - scrubbing through them is a lot of fun; having no control over the camera isn’t. The racing is solid but the lack of item stocking is odd if you’ve been playing the series for years. The balancing is fairer than it has been previously (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Kart_Wii" target="_blank">shudder</a>) but still regularly aggravates. The battle mode is lazy. The extras are non-existant. Oh, stop whining! It’s Mario Kart.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx4sgM-Ff4UU5v9IfvMwEED-EG2mZ7Y6xwMPm3CFUd9N_jPGQY5yJvoaNxGYmK2jFM9B-sIrijgV7xhP0iTKPpJplaY-I6I9yRcx8cI-dUtKdeLu6FmNj-_7uC7S4BtA5pItw7GTZxsDmd/s1600/im_e3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx4sgM-Ff4UU5v9IfvMwEED-EG2mZ7Y6xwMPm3CFUd9N_jPGQY5yJvoaNxGYmK2jFM9B-sIrijgV7xhP0iTKPpJplaY-I6I9yRcx8cI-dUtKdeLu6FmNj-_7uC7S4BtA5pItw7GTZxsDmd/s1600/im_e3.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>E3 2014</b><br />
E3 was a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t said anything about it which is weird because I’ve usually made a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grqDtuFwdrc" target="_blank">stupid parody video</a> by now. Maybe E3 just wasn’t very exciting this year? Actually, that’s not true, the main reason is probably because there weren’t really any <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH_Zc2EXpN4" target="_blank">silly conference goofs</a> to laugh at this year, so all we're left with is a load of marketing jargon and fake gameplay trailers for expensive shooter sequels. Microsoft did a good job of turning around the Xbox One’s terrible reputation. All it took was a fan-spanking Halo collection and the promise of 4000 gamer points, apparently. Sunset Overdrive looks passably entertaining and I’m hyped about the Platinum Games thing because Platinum Games. Sony went through the motions and kind of ran out of steam somewhere around their hundredth indie showcase, though I’m looking forward to the likes of No Man’s Sky. Nintendo meanwhile are now so stuck up in their own little world that literally anything goes, it seems, and it was refreshing to see things like Splatoon and the wacky new look for Zelda. Amiibo though - those Skylanders style toys for Wii U? I’m not convinced, but if anything’s gonna save them at this point, resorting to the old ‘gotta catch-em all’ <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeoB1voCit4" target="_blank">tactics</a> probably isn’t a bad idea. So there was some decent stuff at E3, but was there enough to justify buying a new console yet? Ask me again when Metal Gear Solid 5 comes out.<br />
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-2201232699517823462014-05-04T03:54:00.002-07:002014-05-04T04:01:05.964-07:00Abandoned Scripts - Star Wars: No Hope<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
So here’s a little sneaky look into an alternate future where George Lucas set out to do an ill-advised remake of the original Star Wars: A New Hope. Actually, it’s an unused script for an animation I wanted to make some time around early 2012, then the Disney buyout happened, Lucas stepped down and the whole thing suddenly no longer seemed relevant. But, you know, it’s Star Wars day, so what better time to dig it back out again…</div>
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<b>STAR WARS: NO HOPE</b></div>
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<b>By Tom Cheshire</b></div>
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<b></b><br /></div>
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<i>Set in 2027, for the 50th anniversary of Star Wars, 82 year old George Lucas is about to begin production on the remake of A New Hope.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<i>Ewan McGregor's house, phone starts ringing.</i></div>
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<b>EWAN</b></div>
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Hello?</div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
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Hey Ewan, it's me Geoorrrge.</div>
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<b>EWAN</b></div>
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Oh f***. What do you want?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>Interview cutaway with Ewan McGregor</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
I told him I was done. I didn't hold back. I told him, after episode 3, I said, George, I respect you, you made me a lot of money, but I don't want to see your pug-ugly face again. I wanted to sever our working relationship for good, y'know? But thing is with George, people say that to him every single day anyway. He doesn't even know what it means.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Ewan McGregor's house - Ewan is arguing with George down the phone</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
No George, just no. There is no way … look it's not gonna happen George.. George! I'm not going to be a part of it! Not for 5 million, not for 10… </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
I can give you 2 million now, plus 15 once we make the movie.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
… 17?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Interview cutaway with Ewan McGregor</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
He knows exactly how to get what he wants. It's really simple with George. Money solves everything. I should have asked for more.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Interview cutaway with George</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
We had to get Ewan back, there was really no other option. People say Alec Guinness was the perfect Obi-Wan but what they don't realise is he was a terrible Obi-Wan. Not the Obi-Wan that I had intended. I can't even bring myself to watch his performance. That was one of my main motivations for doing this new picture.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>Cast roundtable, doing a read through of the script (really badly)</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
OK scene 17, Luke, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru at the dinner table.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GUY PLAYING LUKE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Gee Uncle Owen, I think the R2 unit we bought might be… have been stolen.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GUY PLAYING UNCLE OWEN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
What makes you say that?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GUY PLAYING LUKE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
I stumbled across this recred… recording he… and he said he began… begonged… er… belonged to someone called Obi-Wank… er.. Obi-Wonk, Obi-Wan Kennedy, Kenobi, sorry, George.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Why are you saying sorry? That was perfect! All that emotion in your performance, I’m right aren’t I Rick…</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Producer Rick McCallum is sat opposite</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>RICK</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
It’s so dense…</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Carry on!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GUY PLAYING UNCLE OWEN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Don't worry about that Luke, you can go to the academy next year.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GUY PLAYING LUKE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
(turns the page of the script) … Yippee!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>RICK</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Oh… George… Oh it's so dense… So dense!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Rick is having some kind of orgasmic seizure all over the table. Ewan makes eye contact with George and slowly shakes his head.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Interview cutaway with George</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
People sometimes ask me since I have the technology, why don't I just do the whole picture in CG? That’s not how I roll. I'm a traditional filmmaker. I like working with actors in real physical locations.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>George and the cast walking onto his massive green screen set</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Here we are! Isn't it great! How are the costumes guys?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>The cast walk on screen wearing entirely green onesies</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>RANDOM CAST MEMBERS</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Great. Terrific. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Interview cutaway with George</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Absolutely the best set I've ever worked on. The set designers really outdid themselves. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>George and Ewan arguing on set</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Where's the set?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
I'm sorry?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Is this it? Is this what they've been building for 6 months?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Yeah. We're here.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
It's… We're doing the whole film like this?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Of course. It needs to be realistic. What do you think, Steven?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<i>Steven Spielberg is visiting</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>STEVEN SPIELBERG</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
It's just a green screen George! How is this the best set ever?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
My green screen is bigger than your green screen.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>STEVEN SPIELBERG</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
That's… A very good point.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Interview cutaway with George</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Directing is a really difficult job, really, one of the hardest and most tiring things you can ever do. I'm really hardworking, I'm always looking to shoot the most interesting shots and get the most out of my actors.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>On set, George sitting in his director's chair with coffee.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
And… action!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>George SLOWLY lies back in his chair, all the fat bulging out and making squelchy noises.</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
(Montage of scenes of them filming the remake)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>Ewan is about to film Obi-Wan's fight scene with Darth Vader</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Ready Ewan?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Yeah. Hang on, where's Darth Vader?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Oh, he's gonna be added in post processing. The suit isn't good enough for my vision so we're doing him digitally this time.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Are you having a laugh? What the f*** am I supposed to do?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Just swing your lightsaber around. It'll look good!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
If you say so…</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Action!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Ewan flails about randomly with his lightsaber whilst saying quotes like 'if you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine'</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Cut! Perfect! That's a wrap everyone!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
When do I get paid?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Soon Ewan, soon, you'll get your 5 million don't worry…</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
5? You promised 17!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Oh… well…</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>George pulls Ewan in close.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
This deal gets worse all the… no wait come back here! This isn't fair. You made me sign a f***ing contract!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<b></b><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
By signing that contract you agreed that Lucasfilm Ltd, i.e. myself, has the right to alter individual budgets, performances and credits at will without mutual consent. You quit then fine, I don't have to give you anything, I'll replace you with a digital puppet that does everything I want, the stupid kids cannot tell the difference!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
This isn't fair! I've been bored to death for the past 14 months in this snot coloured room wearing this embarrassing sweaty latex piece of shit and you drop my salary?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>RICK</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
What's going on here?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
This is MY MOVIE! And I'm making it the way I WANT TO!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>George starts poking Ewan with his stick.</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Ow… what are you doing! Stop that!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Only now at the end do you understand!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Hey, you can't do this! Piss off!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
You are paying the price for your lack of vision.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
Rick … please! Get this jerk to stop will you?</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<i>Even though Ewan is barely getting hurt, Rick looks really worried and looks side to side like Darth Vader when the Emperor is electrocuting Luke.</i></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>GEORGE</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
And now, Mr. McGregor. You will die.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 14px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: center;">
<b>EWAN</b></div>
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Ow. That's… this isn't funny now George this is just pathetic. Stop it… George. Stop it. Rick?</div>
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<b>RICK</b></div>
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No… No!!!</div>
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<i>Rick picks up George and pathetically throws him on the floor</i></div>
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<b>GEORGE</b></div>
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Ow… my back. That's not good.</div>
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<i>George is rushed to hospital and is then lying in his bed in similar pose to Darth Vader's death. God appears before him and tells him he's rubbish, showing him scenes from the prequels as he dies. At the end George finally realises the error of his ways and pleads to God to give him another chance. So, God reincarnates him as a guy working in a supermarket. An Ewok walks past him. George does a double-take, then shrugs and gets back to work.</i></div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-21079428739101831102014-04-26T18:48:00.002-07:002014-04-27T04:06:19.539-07:00The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Review<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
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<b>Minor spoilers ahoy</b></div>
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The Amazing Spider-Man 2, not to be confused with the Spider-Man 2 that only came out 10 years ago, is the sequel to The Amazing Spider-Man, the reboot of the movie version of the origin story of The Amazing Spider-Man comics, previously adapted in the 2002 movie Spider-Man. Still with me? This time around Spider-Man must face ‘Django 2: Electric Boogaloo,’ along with his nemesis the Green Goblin, Harry Osborn, who previously appeared in the movie Spider-Man 3 as the New Goblin, the son of the Green Goblin, Normal Osborn from the movie Spider-Man. Because comic book movies.</div>
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Andrew Garfield doesn’t have <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOTFxWAWuTo" target="_blank">Tobey Maguire’s gift of unflattering facial expressions</a> but admittedly comes off better as a more conflicted, nuanced version of Peter Parker. Which is funny when your superhero film also features a flying neon-blue Jamie Foxx playing what essentially amounts to a Dubstep version of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRH-Ywpz1_I" target="_blank">Mr. Freeze</a>. This film goes all over the place - it’s over the top and conventional at the same time, with an emphasis on setting up all the million billion sequels and spin-offs; that’s the Avengers law I suppose, stating that a superhero film series can no longer exist unless it plans to last several decades and contain at least twenty interlocked AAA blockbusters. All this obvious web-spinning (if y’all pun the pardon) would have got on my nerves except for the fact that it was all quite entertaining.</div>
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I’m glad that this sequel had the courage to follow through on a couple of lingering threads from the first film, but to be honest I could have done without the whole conspiracy subplot with Peter’s parents in the first place. The opening of this film is hilarious. It’s like the writers watched The Dark Knight Rises and soiled themselves, so felt they had to go with a plane crashing sequence too, one that feels out of place and serves virtually no purpose. Oh, I guess it did have a purpose - product placement for a certain Sony laptop. If we are to believe this film, these laptops are apparently able to stay connected to a server and upload a file in an exploding depressurised plane travelling at hundreds of miles an hour. The payoff to the conspiracy subplot is… basically just a confirmation of things that we, the viewers, suspect or already know by this point, and it’s pretty underwhelming at best. Plus the whole setup undermines the ‘Peter Parker is an everyman’ idea by making Oscorp far more integral in every area of his life. Speaking of which, I’d just like to write a quick letter to Spider-Man…</div>
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"YO SPARKLEZ"</div>
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Hey genius, you know the Oscorp company, the one with all these shady ties to genetic enhancements that was already responsible for your spider powers in the first place, oh, and that whole Lizard fiasco in the first movie? The one where your girlfriend works and for-some-reason-you-seem-totally-fine-with-her-working-there-despite-worrying-about-her-safety-because-you-are-also-spiderman-angsty-angst? You don’t suppose that the company shouldn’t already have been shut down because the whole of New York got wind about the Lizard thing and probably doesn’t feel safe with this massive shady corporation trying to control the future of science? You don’t suppose that they could be responsible for the creation of more super powered monstrosities in the future, do you? The kind that might, I dunno, put your girlfriend in danger, perhaps? You don’t suppose that your creepy childhood friend with serious emotional issues who’s just become the head of said company would ever have anything to do with that? You don’t suppose you should just openly tell him your girlfriend’s name and where she works so that you can maximise your chances of endangering her and exposing your secret double life do y… oh wait, you just did that, didn’t you. Well, never mind. The Marvel police are coming over here telling me not to worry because it’s just a comic book movie and stuff has to happen “because sequels.”</div>
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The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a big, noisy, bloated, silly, well-acted, over-acted, under-acted, predictable, shocking, stupid, entertaining ride. The romance scenes work better than those in the Sam Raimi trilogy because Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone actually have believable chemistry, which I know everyone has pointed out a thousand times by now. Despite this, these scenes often overstay their welcome and revolve around really dumb story clichés, but there’s plenty of stuff going on elsewhere in case you lose interest. As others have also pointed out, it's nice to see a modern superhero movie that goes out of its way to show the hero saving civilians. I'm looking at you, Man of Steel. Unfortunately, the action scenes here are ridiculously CGI heavy to the point where they are quite literally just video game cutscenes. I half expected a QTE button prompt to pop up in one obligatory <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4abFVMd3OM" target="_blank">slow-motion sequence</a>. There’s almost no tension in these fights, except for a brief sequence that I won’t spoil because it’s basically the most important plot point of the movie. I don’t know… on the one hand, I feel like this is what comic book movies should be like, with the overdone digital effects, rather than <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uRLgeEepzg&t=1h27s" target="_blank">trying to do stuff practically</a>, but on the other hand, I don’t go to the cinema to be reminded that I could be playing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVFyYqfNSVg" target="_blank">Metal Gear Rising</a>. Speaking of which, go play Metal Gear Rising. It’s way more fun than this.</div>
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But the film was still pretty good. I give it three and a half Tobey faces out of five.<br />
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Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-56591644310763848992014-03-28T13:01:00.001-07:002014-04-26T18:54:07.070-07:00BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So here we are with a two-part episodic follow up to BioShock Infinite, acting as a bridge between it and the original dystopian blockbuster from 2007. The second and final episode also acts as Irrational’s swan-song, after budgetary issues (or Ken Levine’s recent egomaniacal epiphany, depending on who you want to believe) forced the entire studio’s staff to be laid off. It’s a shame, because you can clearly see the team’s talents on full display here - I don’t think I’ve ever seen DLC with this much effort behind it… with the possible exception of the thing I couldn’t stop gushing about last month. This is BioShock 4 in everything but name and distribution method. While Irrational may be gone, I’m glad they were able to pump this out at the final hour. Now would you kindly let me explain why… oh god I just went there, didn’t I…</div>
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The first episode of Burial at Sea came out a few months ago and, frankly, wasn’t anything special. It didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ per se, but it was short and didn’t even attempt to do anything new gameplay-wise. It was interesting to revisit Rapture, exploring it at its peak, but the majority of the episode essentially served as a simple switch of settings for the regular chaotic Booker gunplay and ‘hey, I found some money’ Elizabeth sidekick woes. Playing this episode was a gentle reminder of what didn’t really work in Infinite, namely the ridiculously unfitting ultraviolence and general lack of strategy required thanks to an over-abundance of powerful combat and tear options. (No, I don’t want to play on 1999 mode.) The Rapture setting does work in the gameplay’s favour this time, though, as random decapitations don’t seem quite as out of place in the dark, derelict undersea setting compared to the bright and cheery Columbian skyline. Overall, Episode One keeps you invested thanks to the subtle callbacks to the original Infinite campaign, building to a decent cliffhanger.<br />
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Episode Two, meanwhile, pretty much goes out of its way from the very start to show off. Right from the beginning its clear that things are going to get pretty crazy - you’ll want to make sure you’re well versed on the events of the original game(s) before diving in. There’s a lot of what I like to call ‘narrative museum’ sequences, whereby you’re walking around, taking in details and simply allowing the story to progress linearly… but like in regular Infinite, these sequences continue to be executed really well. </div>
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But that’s not the real reason to be impressed with this new episode - what really stands out is the change to the core gameplay. It’s no longer about chaos and mayhem - by playing as an Elizabeth without the ability to open inter-dimensional tears, suddenly you’re vulnerable, so the game takes on a new focus of stealth rather than brute force. With the Peeping Tom plasmid, you can see enemies through walls and turn invisible, while new weapons include a crossbow that can tranquillise, unleash sleeping gas or create noisy distractions. Even though these mechanics are ultimately half-baked (don’t expect Splinter Cell, and as is often the case in stealth games the tranquilliser darts are a bit too useful) I found this approach much more fulfilling than before. There’s no regenerating shield and for the first time in a BioShock game you don’t immediately respawn when you die. No vita-chamber grinding here, folks.</div>
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The main disappointment in regards to the gameplay of both episodes is that there really isn’t much of the typical weapon upgrading or item scavenging, aside from the obligatory audio diary collectibles. It’s a necessity due to the short play times of these episodes, so if you’re mainly into BioShock because of the lite-RPG elements and not because of the narrative, you might not find as much to love here.</div>
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Clearly the focus is on story, and there’s a lot of obvious jigsaw-ing together of a whole bunch of strands to bridge the narratives of BioShock and BioShock Infinite. Considering the original game was made with no intention of involving a larger multiverse, it’s a nice surprise to find how neatly the story elements from Infinite are carried over to the familiar Rapture setting. I was worried, going in, that things were going to be a cluttered mess due to all the returning characters, but on balance, I think it worked out pretty well. If you’re a fan of Atlas, he has some particularly great moments here. The final revelation, even though you can kind of see it coming, is a convenient but undeniably smart and fan-pleasing way to draw a line under the convoluted plot. We’ve seen so many alternate versions of Booker and Elizabeth that after a while it becomes hard to care about their final fates, but this was probably the best possible way to wrap things up. I don’t doubt that BioShock will continue under the wing of a different developer, but now that we’ve ‘seen all the doors,’ it really doesn’t need to.</div>
Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-23279904239434539882014-02-15T15:58:00.000-08:002014-02-15T15:58:20.839-08:00The Last of Us: Left Behind Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Last of Us’ DLC came out yesterday and I thought I’d do a review. So that it’s topical and stuff. For those who want to know what I thought of the original game, well, I wrote a paragraph on it a couple of blogs back. I liked it, basically.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So Left Behind is split into two halves, one being a prequel to The Last of Us' main story and one filling in a plot hole that wasn't much of a plot hole. The latter feels somewhat like an extended deleted scene, one that doesn’t particularly do much to further the story or the characters but does include more of The Last of Us’ signature style of action: Stealthy brutality with a general sparsity of ammo. Like in the original game, these sequences are at their best when you’re given free reign to plot your own route between each room while trying to keep your wits about you as the Clickers click-clickety-click just a few feet away. Because it’s so easy to mess up these parts the tension is always high, and Left Behind manages to contain just the right balance of these scenes to stop things feeling repetitive - that’s one fault of the original game if I had to think of any.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it’s in the other half of this DLC that the interesting stuff happens. We meet Ellie’s friend Riley and basically spend the whole time walking around and ‘hanging out’ with her. It’s the sort of narratively heavy approach that really, really wouldn’t work if the writing and performances weren’t absolutely top-notch. Luckily, they are. There’s an element of mystery to the character of Riley that keeps things moving, but for the most part it’s just the two friends stumbling across things and hanging out together. It’s done so believably here that it’s almost a shame when we have to get back to shooting things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve been playing last year’s Tomb Raider recently, and the gulf in sophistication in the storytelling here is ridiculous. Bear in mind, Tomb Raider was praised by most reviewers as being a dark and thoughtful reimagining of gaming’s most famous video game heroine, putting character development first and foremost. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG395Z2eX9w" target="_blank">I was always skeptical</a>, however, because of how cartoonishly over the top the whole grittiness thing went. In my opinion, the mishmash of “seriousness” and fast-paced mass-murdering gameplay in Tomb Raider was almost farcical, and people seem to have also overlooked how simplistic and cliche much of the dialogue could be. “I’m here. You’re safe now.” “You saved me. I knew you would.” “I made you a promise.” Congratulations, Tomb Raider, for proving that video games have now successfully reached the level of maturity of such ‘works of art’ as <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiRyIbJ7IFg&t=1m28s" target="_blank">The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Luckily Tomb Raider was still pretty fun, but there was nothing remotely clever about the characterisation of Lara. With her infinite athletic endurance in spite of the horrific graphic injuries she’d sustained over the course of the cutscenes alone, she wasn’t a believable character. So, yeah, I really don’t understand all the praise that game got for being ‘realistic’. Ellie in The Last of Us is the polar opposite of that. She talks and behaves like a real person. There are a lot of subtleties to her behaviour. Sometimes she can be annoying - but this isn’t because of bad writing, it’s because she’s behaving like any cocky tormented teenager would given the situation. Since she’s the star of this DLC and not Joel, I guess we’re going to get more of the obvious ‘hurr hurr Ellie looks like Ellen Page’ comparisons again. I think that does a bit of a discredit to the work Naughty Dog have achieved here in fleshing out the character, although there is one thing that… because of the recent news regarding… shhh!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So not everyone will like Left Behind. There’s very little ‘gameplay’ here and the pacing is slow. Personally I admire the low-key approach, it sticks out well amongst a sea of what I like to call ‘Michael Bay’ games. The overall experience is much closer to something like Telltale’s Walking Dead series (albeit with a hundred times the budget) than, say, Call of Duty. It’s over in 2 hours flat, so you might want to ask yourself whether it’s worth the asking price (if you didn’t get it in the super-reduced season pass bundle like you totally should have). As for me, I’m actually warming to the movie-like length for a product like this. I can see more and more of this sort of thing happening in the future. Look, I don’t have enough time to sink 20 hours into every new game that comes out; for a big budget, linear, story driven game in particular, it’s an awfully big ask to pad things out without resorting to cheap gameplay rehashes. BioShock Infinite’s Burial at Sea is another good example of how the shorter length can work well these days. Just get the pricing down to the point where gamers will stop moaning and we’ll all be happy. Oh, also, Sony, please don't make me download and install five billion updates when I've already downloaded the DLC. Thanks.</span>Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110872947249291563.post-41795115827236298352014-02-09T15:07:00.000-08:002014-02-10T06:20:09.602-08:00Fandom Schmandom<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fans are weird. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to following a few escapades in ole London this weekend. Let’s start with one of the geekiest fandoms of them all: anime. Now here’s the disclaimer: I am not, and probably never will be, an anime fan. I’ve probably seen about 2 or 3 episodes of anime in my entire life, and that’s including the <big style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: small;">Poké</span></span></big>mon animated series. I’ve come across a few films like the weird pre-Inception dream based film <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paprika_(2006_film)" target="_blank">Paprika</a>, and the big hits like Ghost in the Shell, Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro are certainly on my to-watch list. But again, I am not an anime fan. Why do I bring this up? Well, someone decided to drag me along to the <a href="http://www.londonanimecon.com/" target="_blank">London Anime & Gaming Con</a> today. My verdict? Well, let’s just say, the people I came across weren’t doing much to deflect the awkward anime nerd stereotype.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That’s fine. I’ve got nothing against those types of people. If you want to dress up in a tightly fitting dress wielding a polystyrene sword (with far too much attention to detail) from your favourite piece of fantasy nonsense, I’m not going to stop you. I might feel slightly weirded out, but I don’t think that can be helped. There’s something faintly terrifying about a group of cosplayers completely into their characters, running around with no shame. It reminds me of the role playing society back at my university that would run around campus in full medieval costume and act out ridiculously complicated storylines oblivious to everyone else. Well, all the power to them, I say. Just accept that most people are going to be confused and probably a little bit intimidated.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course not all anime fans behave like this, because if they did, the textiles industry would probably collapse in on itself. Cosplay is there for those who want it, others can silently consume anime in their own privacy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you any less of a ‘fan’ just because you don’t want to join in with a certain vocal community - that's what separates ‘fan’ from ‘fandom.’ Cosplayers wouldn’t run around in ultra-stylised fantasy costumes if nobody else did; it’s the very reason they feel no embarrassment, and one reason why events like LAGC are worthwhile. For the right people…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now on to a very specific type of fandom… The Room. One of the most universally loved bad movies has spawned a whole group of dedicated fans, myself included. In between all the screenings and spoon-throwing Tommy Wiseau’s happy accident has become a cult phenomenon that continually spreads through word of mouth and sheer audience fascination. Co-star Greg Sestero’s hilarious book The Disaster Artist and its just-announced movie adaptation from James Franco would not exist if it weren't for the fans. It’s the perfect example of how much can arise from such an obscure obsession.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tommy and Greg continue to host regular screenings all around the world. Indeed, they were in London this weekend; while I didn’t go personally this time (it was my brother's turn), I did attend a screening with them back in 2012, and I can confirm that it was every bit as mental as you could expect. I may have a photo here somewhere…</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBrD2lqO_jsgQF-_sGnG7XZGf6oFA4C-CzlI4NKCiKiyKbGUCf0Mmv7wOeztciQ0ZJEhqNU-l8RR-2IF85r9NFgnV__lxRudwU5WFW_MUKzsPK5GFlzHvqg4oQviF_rSvpr3qipTQ8xanM/s1600/theroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBrD2lqO_jsgQF-_sGnG7XZGf6oFA4C-CzlI4NKCiKiyKbGUCf0Mmv7wOeztciQ0ZJEhqNU-l8RR-2IF85r9NFgnV__lxRudwU5WFW_MUKzsPK5GFlzHvqg4oQviF_rSvpr3qipTQ8xanM/s1600/theroom.jpg" height="199" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I’ll finish by getting back to the real sticking point here - fandoms aren’t for everyone. And I think we all have a right to dislike, hate, even laugh at them to a point. They are, by their very nature, completely divisive. Sitting on the train on the way back from London today I had to put up with a bunch of intoxicated football fans and their loud, derogatory banter. I have absolutely zero interest in any sports whatsoever, so fans acting obnoxiously only serve to wind me up, or make me break down into uncontrollable laughing when it gets as ridiculous as it did. I swear, if I have to hear the ‘tangy cheese’ song again…</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, the point is, if you want to belong in a fan community, go for it. You’ll have a lot of fun, and you won’t feel embarrassed doing something mental if you’re hanging out with a whole bunch of other people doing something mental. But it’s also okay if you’d rather just hang back and read a book or something. I don’t know. Fans are weird.</span>Tom Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11730092574225181464noreply@blogger.com